This year I’ve thought a lot about choosing happiness. I named it as my big resolution for the year and used it as the theme for a group writing project. Back in October, several pieces fell into place as I figured out how to choose happiness and why choosing it can seem so hard.
One more piece fell into place this week.
So back in October, I pointed out that
Choosing to be happy does not mean that we will automatically be happy all the time. It doesn’t mean we always choose whatever might make us happy right this second.
Choosing happiness means we choose the things we know are most important for our long term happiness. . . .
Choosing happiness means doing what I may not want to do most right now—it means choosing the thing that I know is right for me, what’s important in the long run.
The rest of my realization might not seem like much of an epiphany, but I think the last piece fell into place this week. I had my first true “White Christmas” this year—but it’s really not exciting. Yeah, I know I live in Utah, but I am already tired of the snow. It seems like it came to stay a lot earlier than normal (and I can’t ski this year, so there doesn’t seem to be an upside, either).
For Christmas Eve, however, I decided that one fun family thing we could do was to play in the snow (and the snow has been here basically all month, but we’ve never played in it, unless shoveling counts). So bundling up is a hassle, and you get cold and wet pretty fast, but I thought this would be a fun thing for all of us.
Of course, Ryan came down with a cold and Rebecca needed a nap, so it ended up just being me and Hayden tromping through the backyard, digging in the partially-refrozen snow, and throwing snowballs. (My very first one hit Hayden in the forehead and burst. He didn’t know what hit him!)
After about half an hour, I decided I’d had enough and brought us back in. After stripping out of our wet winter gear, I had Hayden help me put the cookie dough onto cookie sheets.
Sounds pretty idyllic, doesn’t it? For the most part, it was—there were fewer fits and screaming and begging and yelling during those hours than most of the ones of the previous week—the hours I spent worrying about getting shopping and packing and work done, and the time I spent on the computer procrastinating dealing with those things. It was a time I could spend enjoying him and enjoying being his mom.
The realization that hit me? Choosing happiness means choosing my children. It doesn’t mean that I am completely subjugated or I have to ignore all my own needs—but when I take the time to really work at being a mom, the whole family is happier—including me.
What do you think? What does choosing happiness mean for you?
Photo by Grant MacDonald
3 replies on “How to choose happiness (part two)”
This is something I’ve been learning this year, too. I actually wrote about it this summer for my mom, who works for the Church and needed some written personal experiences for something or other that I can’t remember right now. You inspire me to find it and post it on my blog one of these days:) It’s one of those close-to-my-heart things that I can’t seem to word correctly, but I’ll take a stab at it.
The gist of it was that when it comes down to it, if I want to get what I want more than anything else (an eternal family) I need to give up (postpone, sacrifice, etc.) the minor things I want now and give of myself to my children and my family. Choosing every single day, hour, moment, however often it takes, to put my children and family ahead of me ultimately makes me happier and more fulfilled than if I focused on fulfilling my needs and wants first.
I really liked what you said at the end: “It doesn’t mean that I am completely subjugated or I have to ignore all my own needs-” That’s one of the hardest parts to get across to others. Just because I’m not first on the list doesn’t mean that I allow myself to be completely overlooked and forgotten. I’m not losing myself or becoming a slave by choosing to put my children and family before me. Technically and ironically, I’m being quite selfish. I know that when I do choose happiness, focus on the bigger picture, and sacrifice first place in the needs and wants department, I’m much more likely to get what I want in the end. And, even though it seems counter-intuitive, it makes the process so much more pleasant and HAPPY.
Again, I don’t know if I really made sense there and I can’t seem to write exactly what I’ve learned, but it’s close enough to get the savory flavor, right?:)
Have you ever listened to Dennis Prager’s Happiness Hour on the radio? GREAT happiness topics!
@Lindsey—Exactly! And there are deeper gospel principles, there, too. I think I’ll hit on those next week.
@Bridget—No; I’ll have to see if I can find him on one of the local stations (or online). Thanks for the tip!