From the lofty peak

I discussed some of the same things I’ve been writing about in the Making Mother’s Day Merry series with my mother via email. Since I’m not on that “lofty peak of experience,” I figured I’d talk to someone who is (or at least, almost is—my youngest sister is a junior in high school).

I don’t think that anyone fully realizes the greatness of what they are undertaking until they look backwards. I don’t remember a lot of defining moments during my “active duty” status of motherhood that made me say, “Yep, I am doing what I was destined to do right this moment.” But, there were those moments of supreme joy that still warm my soul. Times like seeing the unbridled happiness in Brooke’s eyes when she felt the wind on her face, or watching 3 girls run to help a lady in a store who had dropped her money, or hearing you solo in orchestra playing “Amazing Grace” or seeing Jaime opening her acceptance to BYU, or watching Jasmine sleep in her crib. There is joy in the journey every day if you just look.

It is interesting to hear you girls’ perspectives on your childhoods now. There are many things that I have forgotten that you girls remember and cherish that make me think that maybe I did some things right.

If I could do anything over again, I would worry less about things that really didn’t matter, and just enjoy the wonders of childhood with my girls. I would be more patient, more loving, more generous. I would discipline with more understanding and love. I would read more stories and more scriptures to you. I would just enjoy the very fleeting moments I had with my girls.

Once when you were you were about 6, I had to give a talk on motherhood. At that time, when we went shopping Jaime and Brooke rode in the shopping cart and you held onto the side. People thought the younger 2 were twins. Many times people would look at me and say, “Wow, you have your hands full.” I related that in my talk, and added my response, “Yes, and it is a fullness I have chosen.” Your blog title says you are searching for fulfillment. I think you have it. Your heart is full of what you have chosen. A little boy in your home and a little girl under your heart. Today is the day to enjoy the fullness.

I think all great and monumental tasks are made up of small, drudgery filled daily tasks that seem mundane, unimportant and boring. And yet, each of those smaller tasks are the bricks that build a beautiful creation. We all just need to learn to look at the bricks and appreciate their beauty and have faith that if the foundation is strong, the building will last.

This doesn’t really answer, I know. But in the immortal words of my autistic student, “I’m giving it all I got!”

Thank you, Mom, for your insights—every time I read them, I cry. I blame the baby 😉 .