More bedtime routine tips

A few months ago, I wrote about how to get your child to go to bed. I’ve noticed recently that we’ve had a lot of subtle changes to Hayden’s routine as time goes on. Many of them are the little parent hacks that have been lifesavers. (Of course, none of them made any difference to Hayden last night, after he decided at 11:30 that he needed to wake up screaming every 20-30 minutes. Sigh.)

Without further lamenting my sleepless night (oh, how nice it is to put that as a singular noun!), I give you some of my best bedtime routine tips:

• If it’s upsetting and not vital, drop it. We used to read to Hayden every night. He loved it. He loved it so much that when I put the book away, he threw a fit. We had to stop reading before bedtime.
• If it’s upsetting and vital, get it over with early in the routine. When we’re perfect parents and don’t schedule Hayden’s bedtime according to his whininess and our patience, we’ll take Hayden to his room for his beloved stories. He’s still a little upset when we put the books away, but he’s excited to be getting into his bath (or just be nakey), so he gets over it quickly.
• Use both parents. Yeah, it’s a little annoying sometimes that one of us doesn’t get to have 15-20 minutes “off,” but Ryan and I share bedtime responsibilities. And you know what? That means that on given day, either of us can put him to bed alone if we have to.
• Conditioning (manipulation). As sad as I am to say it, I am amazed at how well blatant manipulation works. My favorite examples follow.
• Praise. Be effusive with praise when he does something desirable. He folds his arms and closes his eyes all through the prayer? We’re the happiest parents ever.
• Jealousy. Haydie doesn’t want to go to bed. Maybe someone else does. I hand Marty (Hayden’s stuffed monkey/security object) to Daddy. I wrap Daddy up in a blanket. At about this point, Hayden becomes very jealous—and a bit upset. He points to Marty and then to himself. “Oh!” I usually say. “Do you want Marty?” And then he’s happy to take his monkey, be wrapped in his blanket.
• Fun. Hayden used to be very upset by turning off the light—now bed is imminent. So we made turning the light off into a game. We have a dimmer switch in his room that must be pushed to turn off/on. So I used his head to turn off the light—”Bonk!”
• Play to your audience. When that got old, we played on one of Hayden’s favorite things to do—blow out candles. So we said he could blow out the light. In the midst of his tears, he would giggle and blow toward the light. (Credit must be given to his well-reflexed Daddy here for getting the timing right almost every time.)
• Be flexible. Not everything we’ve tried has worked. Not everything that works continues to work. We’ve tried to stay very flexible about many aspects of his bedtime routine—we watch him for cues that he’s ready and adjust the starting time and length accordingly.

Of course (and obviously), it doesn’t always work out perfectly, but these tips (and our long-established toddler bedtime routine) have made for a child who goes to bed without crying and sleeps through the night.

(I should probably mention the books that really helped me with establishing a bedtime routine: Good Night, Sleep Tight by Kim West (with Joanne Kenen) and The No-Cry Sleep Solution by Elizabeth Pantley. Some of these tips may be lessons from these books that I’ve learned so well that I’ve forgotten where they came from!)

What are your favorite bedtime tips? Share in the comments!