It’s one of those pieces of wisdom dispensed to every mother with a toddler: choose your battles. Its frequent repetition, however, doesn’t make it less true.
Of course, the things we choose to battle over will vary from mom to mom and child to child. But I think there are at least a couple things we can agree are worth fighting over—and a few that will only end in tears all ’round.
Worth fighting for
- Anything involving a real safety issue
- Serious property damage (Hayden’s entering a destructive/accident-prone stage!)
- Violence toward people or animals
Like banging your head on a brick wall
As Hayden becomes more and more fierce in his independence, I’ve realized there are some things that you shouldn’t or really, truly can’t make someone else do.
- You can’t make someone eat—at least, not safely. And bargaining (eat two more bites of vegetables or no dessert!) is supposed to reinforce the undesirability of the already-hated food item. Stupid psychology.
- You can’t make someone sleep—at least, not without drugs.
- You can’t make someone calm down—but I have picked up some great tricks here. My favorite is when Hayden is getting upset or whining and it’s the beginning of a downward spiral, I take a deep breath and blow it out in his face. Then I have him do it back to me. He almost always does this because he thinks it’s funny—but I just got him to take a breath.
Really, I guess, you can’t make people do anything, really, but as a parent we’re used to having some modicum of control (or being expected to have some modicum of control!).
These are just the first things I thought of—what have you found is worth fighting for? What’s not?
9 replies on “Picking your battles with a toddler”
The only fight I have fought with any consistency is that of communication. Teaching Lucy the words she needs to communicate without whining or crying, and the tools to do it politely. How many times a day do I say, please ask politely or what is the magic word? I could never count, but I never tire of it. Politeness is in short demand these days, and many fights could be prevented with the use of kindness.
I agree with Lucy. Being polite and well mannered is really important. However, after teaching my 20 month old nephew to say Tank ooo, and peease…and how to cover his mouth when he’s coughing I grew frustrated with hi much older brother.
Now if Jay doesn’t say thank you, I immediately take it back. And realizing after lunch has been tossed out that he should have said thank you doesn’t put me back in the kitchen. Its hardcore I know. But after that day that kid says thank you ALL the time. If he doesn’t start out with please, then I completely ignore him. That one is taking a little harder to break him into. But he’ll be seven next month and I’m seriously tired of asking him, “what’s the magic word?”
One thing I don’t battle with is homework time. Now instead of idle threats of not going to the pool (or park) we just don’t go. He’s caught on real fast too. If he does his work and doesn’t give all the attitude then we immediately go out to play. If he whines or cries or starts guessing so I’ll help then we end up doing MORE homework. And that doesn’t leave time for fun things to do. Just dinnertime and bed time.
It is hard to remember to pick your battles. Sometimes I just have to take a breath and realize whatever my son is doing is not THAT bad, even if it is driving me crazy.
I’ll have to try the blowing in the face. That sounds like it would work for both of us to get calmed down.
Screaming. We still have our embarrasing moments in church meetings and such, but that is one battle that I will never give up. I can’t stand screaming.
And I agree about manners being worth fighting for. Such things seem to be in short supply in society these days. We should at least be able to count on good manners from our family members, even if they are only toddlers:)
Agreed: good point on manners! That didn’t occur to me because it’s not much of a battle in our house (mostly).
@Lindsey—Did I tell you that Ryan got called into the bishopric, so now I’m alone with Hayden? I usually have to take him out during the meeting because he wants to sit with Ryan (he’s never more attached to Ryan than he is at church!). A lot of screaming lately. Lots of people in the ward have said, “Oh, don’t worry, it doesn’t bother us.”
I’m sure it doesn’t, but it sure bothers me! 😉
To answer your question. I did make it through the day. In fact, I also got my fonts worked out and everything updated on my Testimony book. Things are looking up…hopefully! 🙂
Toddlers are like anything in life. They take patience and you have to pick your battles. Good read.
How did I miss this post when the subject was on my own mind? Glad to hear a likeminded person–gives me such comfort that I’m not alone.
@Michelle—I enjoyed your post on this, too! I totally agreed with you.
For those that missed Michelle’s post: http://scribbit.blogspot.com/2008/07/picking-my-battles.html