I think that at some point during their first pregnancy (and probably all subsequent ones, to an extent), most mothers have a moment of brilliant clarity, wherein they realize:
I have no idea what’s about to happen.
Parenting is one of those things that we can’t truly understand until we’re in the trenches, raising children for whom we are ultimately responsible. Before we’re there, it’s easy to say “Every Monday, I’ll take my kids to a different museum, Tuesdays we’ll have three hours of music lessons and Wednesdays we’ll perform the complete works of Shakespeare from memory.”
While I didn’t exactly have such grand designs, I still had a major adjustment period when I became a mother. I went from working full time to lying flat on my back (literally) overnight (literally). Suddenly, I had to relearn the most mundane tasks: finding time to shower, cleaning one-handed, enjoying me time, sleeping.
With each new phase and milestone, it was the same story: I had to discover an entirely new routine, and find a “new normal.”
But as hard as it sometimes has been to constantly readjust, reevaluating those expectations are a vital part of motherhood. We learn that the baby isn’t going to sleep until 6:30 anymore (okay, that’s one I’m going to be fighting this week), that dragging three kids under three all over town every day isn’t a good way to inculcate them with culture, that the baby won’t eat baby food, but loves saltines.
We have to learn to let go of old expectations when we realize that they’re truly not reasonable for our present circumstances. We have to see our lives as they are and set reasonable expectations for our families—and most importantly, for ourselves.
How do you set reasonable expectations for you and your family? What expectations have you abandoned?
2 replies on “Reevaluate your expectations”
I’ve actually tried to abandon all expectations. When I start to have expectations they grow until they become unrealistic or they aren’t met and I end up disappointed. No sense in going through life unrealistically and perpetually disappointed:)
I even have to let go of developmental expectations. Sometimes my boys meet the “norm” sometimes they don’t. No sense in getting all worried because they’re just going to develop in their own way.
If I do set expectations, I just try to make sure that I set them low and then I’m sure to be pleased with the outcomes!
You’re not wrong there. We set out with the big design plan and it’s downhill from there on in. Adjust, reschedule, tinker around a bit and then change it all over again at approximately 3 month intervals……I wish my mum had warned me…….maybe she did…..maybe I just wasn’t listening.
Cheers