I like to think that I’m okay with change. I’m not sure that’s true.
It was around 34 weeks into this pregnancy that I finally began to accept that there are really things that I can’t do while pregnant. I mean, sure, I didn’t participate in the litany of contraindicated activities/foods/etc. But it was so easy for me to (still!) forget that I was pregnant, or to want to act as though I wasn’t—walking lots, bending down, carrying Hayden, etc.
And now, less than three weeks from my due date, I’m really beginning to see that there are things I can’t and shouldn’t do at this stage of pregnancy—constantly getting up and down, carrying Hayden all the time, slouching 😉 .
I realized today that the fact was I haven’t really been able to do these things for a while, but now I’m finally beginning to accept and admit that.
This made me think back to when Hayden was first born, and my difficult transition into motherhood. A large part of that was, of course, the physical challenges of a deluge of hormones, an inability to sleep for more than three consecutive hours, and the recovery from birth and complications.
But perhaps the more difficult thing to overcome was accepting that my life—my abilities, my time, my needs, and my role in meeting the needs of my family—was not the same and never would be.
Of course, I didn’t think that everything would be the same after having a baby—it’s probably pretty much impossible to understand how much your life will change before you go through it. But resisting the changes and the new role that you’ll have to play really doesn’t help.
Two and a half years later, and I’m still resisting accepting the changes that (impending) motherhood brings. I hope that the changes that come with my new baby won’t be as difficult to accept as they were the first time around.
What helped you to accept your new role as a mother?
8 replies on “Accepting motherhood”
Ok, so when I was pregnant with my first, I just couldn’t seem to accept that there were certain spaces I couldn’t fit through anymore. I actually wedged myself between a counter top and a wall for a few seconds trying to squeeze through. That’s when I was like, duh! Accept it, your belly is huge!
I can’t think of anything specific that helped me accept my new role as mother. I was just very excited about the whole things in general and so my transition into motherhood with my first went very smooth.
This is going to sound horrible, but I was frustrated and miserable as a SAHM, and as soon as I went back to work (after 9 months), I really started to embrace the motherhood aspect of my life. I know it sounds horrid, but for me, it’s true.
I didn’t have a maternal bone in my body when I was carrying my first child.
But I loved being pregnant and when he came I would have gladly have given everything up for that defining moment when you baby is put on your chest and your husband or partner cuddles you both and the overwhelming thought is ‘we’ve just made a family’
Of course my second pregnancy was shockingly bad and I was a grumpy old cow for 9 months, but it all worked out in the end!
Gospel, my husband, and my mom. I had a rough time of it after both pregnancies. I blame unbalanced hormones and sleep deprivation; they really throw me for a loop! If I didn’t have my knowledge that I was doing something incredibly worthwhile, or a husband to support me and let me cry, or a mom to help me see the light, I may have given my children up for adoption.
After my twins were born I sat down one night after trying everything and they wouldn’t stop crying and thought, “I can’t do this. I just can’t do this.” And then I thought, “Well, what else am I going to do? I can’t just stop being their mom.”
I try and try to mentally prepare myself for newborn life, but I’ve come to the conclusion (a little too late:)) that it’s just not possible. If I ever have another, maybe it will be easier…maybe, but probably not:)
The good thing is that it forced me to pray a lot harder and a lot more often. Mostly it just took time, but I don’t think it would have happened if I didn’t have my support system.
Can I just say that I adjusted SOOO much easier to having 2 kids than having my first. I think it was the initial transition to motherhood that was harder than adding another little one to the household. I’m sure you will be fine. It is a little tougher trying to nap, get things done, bond with the baby, etc. with a 2 year old clamoring for your attention, but somehow things settle in and most days are great. 🙂 Good luck with the new addition! I hope things go easier for you the second time around.
Also, it may sound odd, but going back to work part time really helped me appreciate my role as a mother too (Maria). I don’t think it’s a horrendous thing to work either, so let’s not be too down on it. I love staying home with my boys now, but I also really enjoyed keeping that professional part of me going too when I just had my first. I hope we can all make sure we don’t condemn other mothers no matter how they deal (or have to deal with) the transition into motherhood.
maybe I’m a little paranoid from all of the people that give me that little “oh” when I tell them that I needed to work, and that I was going insane as a SAHM. I’m personally in the “do what works for your family” corner. 🙂
I really struggled with my new identity as a mother. If I’m honest, it’s only really time that has helped me accept that role. I still think motherhood is very difficult simply because of the way society regards mothers; I often feel invisible in society although I am happier these days in my role in myself.
I have four children now and I can honestly say that the first baby is the hardest and then they get easier!
i had a baby three years ago and i’m still not adjusted. me and the father were never together and i don’t know what i was thinking. i was delusional…..it is so hard to accept that i’m responsible for this little girl’s life. i am 42 years old and i am just exhausted!