Category: Faith

For me, finding fulfillment in motherhood is often tied to my faith, which promotes families and mothers.

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Kids/Parenting Fulfillment Faith

Why I really chose to be a mother

All kidding aside, I did choose to have children and it (obviously) had nothing to do with the laud, praise and reward I receive everyday when I leave the house.

I knew I would be a mother my entire life. It was what I was supposed to do—go to college, get married and have kids. My husband was raised with the same life plan (plus “get a productive job” somewhere in there).

I know that we come to this earth to receive a physical body that is necessary for us to learn and progress, and I know that part of God’s plan for our eternal happiness is having children.

When I was a teenager, my mother was trying to get me to go to a midweek church activity. She argued that this was our Heavenly Father’s plan for my happiness. I retorted, “Then it’s not working!” Sometimes, though I know God designed parenthood for our eternal happiness, I still want to shout “It’s not working!”

Before I had children, I knew it would make us happy. Since I’ve had children, there have been a lot of times where I was too tired or overwhelmed or annoyed or hormonal or otherwise off-kilter to remember that—and I think that is a big reason why I started this blog.

It’s too easy for me to forget that I wanted my children—and I did and I do. I couldn’t imagine where I would be without them now, and though I don’t often think/say/admit this, I do think I wouldn’t be as happy without them.

My children have taught me things about myself, lessons about life, truths I sometimes forget. They have made me less selfish (though we have a long way to go on that one!), more caring and, yes, exponentially more exhausted.

Whenever a mother says something (gasp!) less than positive about motherhood (like that she’s so freakin tired she can’t see straight and she could just strangle her dear sweet husband for getting sick on the first morning in two weeks that she could get an extra hour of sleep), she is obligated to add “But it’s worth it.” As I’ve said before, every time I hear a parent say that, I immediately begin to wonder if I could claim the same and really mean it.

But I chose this life because I know it will be worth it. Even if I can’t say it after spending three hours trying to put Rebecca down for a nap only to have Hayden wake up the second she falls asleep, I know one day I will be able to say it.

I hope.

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Fulfillment Faith

Joy in the journey part 2

I really liked this next passage from a recent address given by President Monson to my church (see part one from last week):

Stresses in our lives come regardless of our circumstances. We must deal with them the best we can.

I often fall into that same trap—believing that if only I didn’t have to do all this “mothering stuff”/work/housekeeping/good works/church/alone, it’d be so much easier. But frankly, I would probably still find something to stress out about even if I had one less thing on my plate.

And all too often, I let the wrong thing slide. President Monson continues:

But we should not let them get in the way of what is most important—and what is most important almost always involves the people around us. Often we assume that they must know how much we love them. But we should never assume; we should let them know. Wrote William Shakespeare, “They do not love that do not show their love.” We will never regret the kind words spoken or the affection shown. Rather, our regrets will come if such things are omitted from our relationships with those who mean the most to us.

Usually, I get stressed because I’m trying to do too much—and often it’s not stuff that I need to do anyway. Beyond basic housecleaning and a couple hours of work per day, I don’t actually have to do a lot of the things that I make myself do or that I want to do.

Instead, if I focus on the work of motherhood: loving, and giving my children attention, suddenly those stresses that make my life so difficult—the stresses that I have put on myself—seem to go away.

What helps you relieve or lessen the stress of motherhood? How do you show your children your love?

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Fulfillment Faith

Joy in the journey part 1

At the most recent General Conference of my church, there was an excellent talk on having joy in the journey. The speaker, the leader of my church, made several great points about raising children—and keeping perspective while doing that.

If you are still in the process of raising children, be aware that the tiny fingerprints that show up on almost every newly cleaned surface, the toys scattered about the house, the piles and piles of laundry to be tackled will disappear all too soon and that you will—to your surprise—miss them profoundly.

As I type this, I’m sitting on a stained couch, next to a waist-deep pile of laundry, across the room from the nose-and-mouth prints on the entertainment center. I’ll go to bed only to wake up three or four times tonight to nurse Rebecca, then get up earlier than I want to to take care of her or Hayden.

And this is what I’ll miss? Yep, says this father, grandfather and great-grandfather. I think the thing that I like most about this quote is the aside of “to your surprise.” It shows that he knows what it’s like to be here.

I think, though, that even though we don’t care for hearing this, we all know this. During the difficult times, it might be hard to believe that we’ll miss all this. But during the good times, the peaceful times, the adorable times, we know that they won’t last. They can’t last. My little children will disappear before my eyes—they already are.

So every once in a while, the reminder that I’ll miss these days makes me value them a little more. How about you?

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Fulfillment Faith

Guest post: New Normal

Today’s guest post is by Gerry Blumberg of Flashlight…taking one step at a time. For more great insights from Gerry, subscribe to Flashlight!

I will never forget those first couple of weeks after the birth of my baby, Melissa. I was so excited to be a mother and while my mother, visiting from several hundred miles away, was caring for us, life was a breeze. All I had to do was take care of this sweet baby and somehow the rest of the details of my life moved along smoothly.

However, the day arrived when my mother returned home and before I could catch a breath, my life exploded around me. All of a sudden, I barely knew how to get through each moment, let alone each day. The ordinary tasks of life challenged my organization skills in ways I could not imagine: laundry, shopping, house cleaning, laundry, meal prep, errands, and just sleep eluded me day after day. This beloved baby who started out spending most of the day asleep now seemed to be awake and crying all the time. A quiet dinner and conversation with my husband was soon a distant memory.

The joys of motherhood seemingly disappeared, replaced by the inescapable responsibility of caring for this tiny person. I thought life would surely get back to normal if I just worked harder. Yet, the harder I worked, the more disappointed I became at the lack of control I had over any part of my life.

One night about six weeks later, I sat rocking my sleeping baby after the 2 AM feeding. The moon shone on her peaceful and quiet face and once again, I said to myself for the hundredth time, “When are things ever going to get back to normal?” It was really part of an ongoing prayer with my Heavenly Father. Yet that night I heard in my heart, the still, small voice that can only come from Him, “You are going to have a NEW normal now.”

Oh, that was it. I was to stop trying to go backwards to the old way of doing things and look forward to something new. As this simple idea took hold of my heart and mind, the weight of anxiety and frustration dropped from my shoulders as I let go of my expectations. Life, as I knew it, changed forever and for the next eighteen years, we rode a roller coaster of high adventure. I am so thankful for the gentle nudge to let go of the past and move forward in anticipation rather than fear of the unknown.

I love to tell the story of “the NEW normal” to first-time moms—that there is hope if we let go of our expectations. Life continues and now “my baby” has three daughters of her own and I have the privilege of loving, listening, and spoiling those precious girls…and then sending them home to mom. No one told me how much fun it would be to be a grandmother!

About Gerry
I am a wife, mother, and grandmother and find each role to be both fulfilling and challenging. My desire in blogging is to encourage women by sharing experiences that may help you with questions about everyday living. I want to inspire you to take risks in your personal life, challenge you to be bold in a world of gray or neutral, demonstrate God’s faithfulness in easy and hard times, and love you in a way that reveals God with skin on.

My blog is found at http://gerryblumberg.blogspot.com.

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Fulfillment Faith

What really matters? Motherhood

Every year at my alma mater, they hold a women’s conference with wonderful, inspiring speakers.

One of this year’s most notable speakers was Sheri Dew, a writer, speaker, delegate to the Commission on the Status of Women at the United Nations and President and CEO of Desert Book publishing company. While Sheri Dew has not had the opportunity to marry or have children, she is still a staunch defender of the family and motherhood.

In her talk this year, she spoke about the influence of good women in the world, saying “No one has more influence on husbands than wives, on children than their mothers, or on young men than young women. Show me the women of any family or community, and I will show you the character and soul of that family and community.”

She characterized the lies that the world (and, as this is a religious setting, you can guess to what source she attributed the world’s lies) tells about womanhood and motherhood:

Lucifer has worked with a vengeance to distort the very definition of womanhood and to confuse everyone about us, including us.

Here are just a few of Lucifer’s lies: That men are smarter, have all the power, and are more important, so if we want to have influence we should be more like them; that marriage and family are confining; that motherhood is menial and a waste of any talented woman’s time; that women are perpetually frazzled and failing; and that a woman’s value is based on her size, shape and what she accomplishes outside the home.

Any of that sound familiar? Or disturbingly like some comments I came across recently?

Dew continues (italics hers, bold mine):

Too many women have bought these lies. Our culture is disintegrating at the speed of light, and unfortunately, our gender is doing a lot of the damage. Sleazy, immoral, cunning women who flaunt their indiscretions jam the airwaves and monopolize magazine covers. Yet we watch their shows, donate to their causes, and even see them as models. . . .

Other distortions are equally troubling. Consider this headline: “The World’s 100 Most Powerful Women” (Forbes, 17 September 2007). I bought this magazine because it made me mad. Every woman listed is a politician, an entertainer, or a CEO. I mean no disrespect to any women listed. What I dispute is the bold distortion that in order to have influence, a woman must have money, fame, or a title. That is a big, fat lie!

How many times a day do we get the message that motherhood doesn’t matter as much as a contribution we might be making in the workplace? How often are working moms told that the time they spend away from their children is far more valuable and has a bigger, more important impact in the world than the precious time they get to spend with their children?

I know I’m not the only one who’s heard these negative messages on motherhood from the world. Dew also knows that the world sends us these messages constantly, but she reminds us of what really matters:

Here is the truth about womanhood. Our Father gave His daughters a divine endowment of gifts that give us unique influence. First and foremost, we have the high privilege of bearing children. If mortality is the time in all eternity to prove ourselves, then there is nothing more important than bearing children and leading them along the path home. President David O. McKay said that, “motherhood is the greatest potential influence . . . in human life” (Improvement Era, 1953, 452).

And for those of us who believe that God appointed this vital and holy role to women, she adds that “We are the Lord’s secret weapon. Pre-mortally [in the spirit world where we lived before we came here], when our Father described our role, we must have shouted for joy because of the ennobling stature He gave women in His kingdom. The world won’t tell us this stunning truth, but the Spirit will.”

I encourage you to read the full text of Sheri Dew’s inspiring talk—and to be reminded of what really matters in this life.

What do you do to try to keep this perspective when no one else seems to agree?

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Fulfillment Faith

How children can show appreciation

Today we’ll pick up where we left off with Elder M. Russell Ballard’s talk “Daughters of God,” about the eternal importance of motherhood. Last time, he talked about gaining appreciation for the work of motherhood and its eternal importance, finding success in motherhood, reducing pressure on ourselves and enjoying our families and receiving support from our husbands.

Today we’ll get to look at his thoughts on what children can do to show their support for their mothers. As he warned us, some of these answers are very obvious, but I’ll bet that most of our children could use the reminder. Plus, having this come from a source other than their mother is always nice reinforcement.

The third question: What can children, even young children, do? Now, you children, please listen to me because there are some simple things you can do to help your mother.

You can pick up your toys when you are finished playing with them, and when you get a little older, you can make your bed, help with the dishes, and do other chores—without being asked.

You can say thank you more often when you finish a nice meal, when a story is read to you at bedtime, or when clean clothes are put in your drawers.

Most of all, you can put your arms around your mother often and tell her you love her.

And that moment, especially when it comes unbidden and at a time when our children might not know that we need it, is one of the simple joys of motherhood.

Elder Ballard’s final question is what our church can do for mothers. I figure that most of my readers aren’t actually members of our church, but if you’re interested in his answer, feel free to read the conclusion of his talk, “Daughters of God.”