Category: Fulfillment

Motherhood shouldn’t just be a drudgery. Find fulfillment in your most important calling–mother.

Categories
Fulfillment

Motherhood is enough of an accomplishment

I’m typing this on a bouncing laptop. It’s on my knees as I rock Rachel’s bouncy seat with one foot. She has just one fussy time every day: 8 AM to 1 AM the next morning. All it takes to calm her down is to hold her constantly, frequently while bouncing her, and feed her every half hour.

I hope it goes without saying that my house is a little trashed, and I’m just glad the other two are getting along really well these days.

I’m handling it okay, actually. I like holding her, and she’s not that heavy, and usually I can sit down while I’m doing it. We have a television, and it won’t kill the kids if they watch it. I’m used to living in my messy house and raising the next generation of couch potatoes 😀 . Plus, in a few weeks, Rachel should be able to spend more than two hours a day out of my arms. (I realize, of course, there is no guarantee here, but I’ll keep hoping.)

My arms do get a little tired, of course—I do look forward to Ryan coming home so I can get up and do something. And that, I think, is the major drawback: I can’t get anything else done.

Naturally, I have a long list of things I’d like to do, not the least of which is stop watching so much television, but also feed myself and the rest of our family, vacuum for the first time in *mumblemumbleweeks*, and, say, use the bathroom. (Reading and writing are high on my list, too, but a little less necessary, I guess.) (A little.) Holding a baby, even one that can often be held comfortably with one arm, makes it hard to do much of anything.

But it’s okay. It’s okay if Rachel cries for a few minutes while I use the bathroom, or make sandwiches. And it’s okay, too, if I don’t accomplish everything that I’d really like to beyond those basics—these are precious days, and frankly, I’m already doing enough. I’m raising three kids and trying to meet their needs. And if right now, that’s all I can squeeze into a day, it’s okay.

At least, I’m trying to convince myself it is 😉 .

What do you think? Do you ever have unrealistic expectations for yourself? What do you do to try to fix that?

(Happy anniversary, Ryan!)

Categories
Kids/Parenting Fulfillment

How to capture a moonbeam

I think the more kids you have, the more you realize that “this too shall pass.” The fussy period isn’t fun, but it’s easier to remember that it doesn’t last all that long when you’ve survived it before (multiple times).

On the other hand, you also realize that the good times—the first smiles, the intent study of your hairline, the incredible cuteness of tiny toes and feet and hands—will be gone equally fast. And you look at all the adorable things your older kids are doing, and you can’t begin to capture them all.

Personally, I wish I could get down all the new words Rebecca learns every day—she’s become an amazing mimic and can string together up to 5 words. I wish I could list all the words she knows, but I doubt I could recall more than a quarter of her vocabulary. She’s also learning to count and say the alphabet (and she won’t even be two for two more weeks—the benefits of having an older sibling who gets counting and alphabet books).

I wish I could record all Hayden is learning, too—how he puts things together, physically and mentally. He’s learning new concepts and words every day, too (though he already knows so much that it’s not the exponential growth Rebecca is seeing). He loves to run and play outside, and he likes to read books.

Rachel, of course, doesn’t do a whole lot, but I find myself wanting to hang on to these little moments the most with her. She’s already grown so much that I can just feel the rest of her babyhood slipping through my fingers.

Just thinking about the things I’m “missing” because I don’t have something recording my kids’ every action makes me a little anxious, reminding me that I’m missing out more. But just being aware that today is slipping away makes me pay more attention, even if I can’t leap up and get the video camera and coax a repeat of some spontaneous cute thing.

And it reminds me to keep paying attention—to treasure these little moments as they’re happening—to live in the present.

How do you treasure today?

Photo by Erik Fitzpatrick

Categories
MetaBlogging Fulfillment

Four years of fulfillment: blogoversary reflections

It snuck up on me again: today is my blogoversary. Blogiversary? Whatever.

Four years. I’ve been blogging for four years. I keep thinking that must be wrong, but then I remember I started when Hayden was a few months old, and now he’s four, so it must be true.

If I’d been paying attention (and not distracted by something so non-time-consuming as a new baby, a toddler, and a preschooler 😉 ), I could have had a wonderful party set up here for you today. Instead, you’ll have to make do with my thoughts. But, hey, that’s what blogging’s all about anyway, right?

I started this blog for the same reason lots of people start their blogs: I wanted to keep my far-off family updated on my kids’ (well, kid’s at the time) life. And I was bored.

Actually, the boredom part played a big role in starting the blog. While I knew being a mother was where I belonged, I still felt overwhelmed—and bored. I vacillated between wondering How can I handle all this? to Is this it?

And I kept waiting for the sense that I was in the right place, doing the right thing—that all this effort was worth it. Fulfillment. But no magic wand bestowed fulfillment on me. I didn’t wake up one morning with the peaceful assurance that one day—perhaps even that very day—my children would rise up and call me blessed.

I hoped I wasn’t the only one.

Over the last four years, a lot has changed. Our family has grown—and slowly, but not-so-steadily, so has my contentment with motherhood, my current season in life. I’ve come to learn that “finding” fulfillment is misleading. We choose happiness, and then it comes to us.

It’s something we must recapture every day, sometimes. It’s easy to lose. To be honest, a big part of the reason why this blog has been so quiet these last few months is that I lost it, big time. (And some days, it felt like I was seriously “losing it”!)

Things have been wonderful since Rachel was born, even being on my own for the last four days. It’s not because the nature of the thing—motherhood—has changed. My capacity for doing, on the other hand, has. The newborn days are still tough (I swear Hayden and Rebecca could be put down once in a while…), but I know they’ll come to an end, and my tiny little girl will grow into a toddler who’s stringing together four and five word sentences (before her second birthday!), and then a preschooler making amazing connections in logic and reasoning, and on.

I’m trying to treasure them as they are now and imprint them on my heart at each stage, because soon the amazing new things they’re doing and saying will fade in novelty, or out of their vocabularies forever. (Rebecca just stopped calling her brother “Hee-ah” last week. “Hay-DEN,” she corrects us.)

How do you treasure today? How has your foundation for fulfillment evolved over time?

Categories
Fulfillment

Forgiving ourselves

I am not a perfect mother. There. I said it.

Okay, I’ve admitted this before. Many times. Just over a year ago, I fed a not-quite-10-month-old Rebecca a Cheeto—but I got over it:

So much of the time, we mothers are quick to judge ourselves. Every time we don’t give our children what they want (even when we know it’s for the best) or aren’t 157% attentive to their needs, we feel as though we’re mean, bad, and ten kinds of terrible. If we don’t keep up on the latest trends—from Baby Gap to Baby Einstein, from Gerber brain-friendly organic finger foods to gerbera daisy hairclips to match every single outfit she owns—we’re bad mothers.

I anticipate the next few weeks will be among the most difficult of my life as a mother as all of us adjust to being a family of five. Today (day two of just me and the kids at home during the day), Rachel was pretty fussy. I ended up holding her nearly all day—which meant that Hayden and Rebecca spent most of the day in front of the TV.

Normally, one of the ways I measure myself as a mom on a day-to-day basis is by the amount of television my children watch. But today, I decided that it’s okay.

Watching television might not be the most productive use of their time (even if it is PBS), and yes, the APA says they should only watch two hours a day. I’m not really proud that they spent well over twice that with the television on today, but at the same time, it’s not worth beating myself up over.

I had to focus on one child’s needs a little more, and that meant I couldn’t be all my children’s cruise-and-entertainment-director every second (horrors). While I hope Rachel’s fussiness will subside relatively quickly, I’m sure it’s only the first time we’ll have to triage like this. And let’s face it, television isn’t the end of the world. So today I won’t act like it is, or that I’m a horrible mother for letting them watch both Super Why and Dragon Tales.

What do you need to forgive yourself for lately?

Categories
Fulfillment

A reminder

I was making Hayden his almost-daily bowl of Ramen the other day. He launched into a dissertation on one of his favorite topics—power strips (“wight fings”). He said he would take the wight fing from the ‘puter and put it in his room and that will be okay.

I didn’t address that idea at that second. “I’m working on your noodles,” I said. “I’ll bring them to you in a minute.”

“Wif juice?”

“Juice? I don’t think we have any juice.”

“No, juice—bwaf.”

“Ohhh, broth. Yes, with broth.”

Hayden smiled. “Okay, I’ll see you in a few whiles.” He crouched down into his ‘starting blocks.’ “Mark, set, wace!” And he charged down the hall to his room.

I shook my head at the little ball of jabbering energy—and then I realized that moments like these were exactly why I wanted to be a mother.

What are your “this is what I wanted” moments?

Categories
Fulfillment

8 Reasons Why Moms Hate Mother’s Day

Mother’s day began with only the best intentions. But, let’s face it, it can be a really rough day for moms, even if they get the day off from dishes and laundry. Here’s why

1. Make one day of the year that special day we all remember our mothers, and it’s okay to forget them the other 364 days. (And bonus on leap years!)

2. No matter how hard you try to keep your expectations low, your children still act like they do every other day of the year—disobeying, fighting, crying and sloughing off. Even though it’s your “special day.” (Is it just that they don’t care, or do they actually hate you? Maybe their therapists know.)

3. Everyone shares stories about the most wonderful mother in the history of creation (usually theirs), reminding us once again that we SOOO are not that. Even though it’ll probably be our kids saying those same things in 20 years.

4. Major takehome of Mother’s day: whatever the heck it is moms do all day/year long, it’s roughly equivalent to the value of a bouquet, a card, and one day off a year. Or half a day.

5. An alarming percentage of women who are now mothers have “an issue” with their own mothers. I don’t really get this one, but whenever I did a group writing project about mothers, I had people tell me they couldn’t participate because of this. And, thus, celebrating motherhood is bad.

6. The perceived emotional negativity of every little argument with you is enhanced approximately 10,000% because it’s the one and only day of the year they’re supposed to be thinking of you.

7. Our four-year-olds with the I-can’ts will doubtlessly refuse to join in singing one measly little not-even-very-mother-oriented song in church. Even though we completely expected this, and spent the whole week trying to encourage and prepare him, it will still hurt. Of course, it hurts a lot worse when the second the song is over, he throws a tantrum because he wants to go on the stand (to sit with his dad, best of all). And it’s even better when he smacks his sister with a book 10 minutes later and you have to drag two crying children out of the chapel again. But then you just have to laugh. Because Mother’s day sucks.

8. Inevitably, some well-meaning person (usually a man) suggests we should do this every day. No. Please.

Um… no personal experience in there or anything.

Had a disappointing—or hilarious—Mother’s day? Share—because sometimes you have to laugh to keep from crying.

Photo by Chris A