Category: Fulfillment

Motherhood shouldn’t just be a drudgery. Find fulfillment in your most important calling–mother.

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Fulfillment

Perspective or plague?

Like, probably, all of you, I have a number of friends who no longer have young children or any children at home. And like, probably, all of you, these friends often remind me that one day I won’t have my children at home—and I’ll miss it.

While I know that they’re right, I don’t know that hearing that makes it any easier now. On the days when I can’t get enough of my kids, knowing that one day they’ll leave me only makes me even more desperate to soak in as much as I can (which I was already doing).

On the days when Hayden wakes up 5, 6, or 7 times at night, pukes, refuses to try to nap, and wails/moans for me every 20-30 minutes, I’m a desperate for a very different reason, wishing that they were a little more correct in saying that these times are gone in an instant.

And since today is one of the latter, hearing that comment is less likely to make me smile and nod and more likely to make me bite my well-intentioned friend’s head off. (Probably a good thing none of these friends have come by today.)

How about you—does being reminded that these days are “fleeting treasures” help you or hurt you in your daily life?

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Fulfillment

Anticipation

So I love me some Pandora. Free Internet radio = very cool. Now other people can hear the soundtrack of my life that’s constantly playing in my head. For some strange reason, it’s usually ’70s music. And in case you’ve forgotten, that’s before my time.

The other day, “Anticipation” by Carly Simon came up on my station and a few of the lyrics struck me:

We can never know about the days to come
But we think about them anyway
And I wonder if I’m really with you now
Or just chasing after some finer day.

I know I sometimes wish away the present hoping for the future—when Rebecca can talk, when Hayden can get his own snacks, when they’re in school, then life will be really good.

But of course, we don’t really know what the future will bring, so it’s always important to value the time that we have now—Hayden’s spontaneous proclamations of love, Rebecca’s first giggles, and all the firsts that are happening now instead of yet to come.

We just have to realize now that one day we’ll look back and think, as Carly Simon’s repeated refrain says, that “These are the good old days.”

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Kids/Parenting Fulfillment

The difference

I was really expecting to basically die after Rebecca was born. The transition from a nonmom to a mom was so difficult for me that I have likened it to dying—the old me-only self had to go away and I had to find a new kind of me-mom self. I had to find new ways to find fulfillment (e.g. this blog), new ways to interact with adults, new ways to interact with my husband and of course, everything about being a mom.

It was, honestly, by far, the hardest thing I’ve ever done.

At times during my pregnancy, I feared that I would have to go through the same transition with Rebecca. Other times, I feared it would be the same but worse—having to go through that while parenting a child in the terrible twos.

Thankfully, this has not been the case—but not actually because Rebecca is a more or less difficult baby than Hayden. In fact, I’m surprised at what has been the same—and what’s completely different.

For example, I think she sleeps slightly better than Hayden did (although she does continue to stay up until all hours, when she finally falls asleep, she usually only wakes up once or maybe twice a night).

On the other hand, Hayden was a champion nurser who learned a comfortable latch almost immediately. Rebecca often chokes and sputters, and her latch still hurts. And on the other hand (how many hands does one mom have?), she has spit up maybe five times. Ever. (Knock on wood!)

Hayden was a very quiet baby from the time he was born—the nurses couldn’t get him to cry in the delivery room. Rebecca doesn’t cry overly much (unless I miss her tired signs!), though more than Hayden did—but she’s a vocal girl. She coos and “talks” to us, and she’s finally starting to use her social smile (don’t tell Ryan, but she likes me best!). (Of course, I know that girls are supposed to talk more than boys, but to beat Hayden, she really would have to talk every waking minute.)

What interesting differences have you noticed among your kids—and what have you been surprised to find is the same?

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Fulfillment

A kind word

A couple weeks ago, I made it through another harried hour at church (though this time was much better, thanks to another family in our congregation and their son’s help in entertaining Hayden). It was probably the first time I was alone with the kids in public, as Ryan sits on the stand at the front of the congregation.

As I was gathering up the toys and the baby at the end of the hour, the young couple sitting behind me leaned over the pew.

“You are such a wonderful mother!” said the wife.

And as soon as she said that, tears began to sting my eyes. Her husband joined in her praise.

Believe me, I thanked them, and I’m still thanking them.

It’s amazing what a simple act of kindness like that can do for a mother—her sense of self-worth, her happiness and her fulfillment.

So this week, go out and give a kind word to another mother—in your neighborhood, at church, through email or in the blogosphere. Tell her she’s doing something right—and if you can’t think of anything, here are five things moms do right.

Who knows? Even if you don’t receive a similar gesture, it might just make you feel better about yourself as a mother!

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Fulfillment Faith

Guest post: New Normal

Today’s guest post is by Gerry Blumberg of Flashlight…taking one step at a time. For more great insights from Gerry, subscribe to Flashlight!

I will never forget those first couple of weeks after the birth of my baby, Melissa. I was so excited to be a mother and while my mother, visiting from several hundred miles away, was caring for us, life was a breeze. All I had to do was take care of this sweet baby and somehow the rest of the details of my life moved along smoothly.

However, the day arrived when my mother returned home and before I could catch a breath, my life exploded around me. All of a sudden, I barely knew how to get through each moment, let alone each day. The ordinary tasks of life challenged my organization skills in ways I could not imagine: laundry, shopping, house cleaning, laundry, meal prep, errands, and just sleep eluded me day after day. This beloved baby who started out spending most of the day asleep now seemed to be awake and crying all the time. A quiet dinner and conversation with my husband was soon a distant memory.

The joys of motherhood seemingly disappeared, replaced by the inescapable responsibility of caring for this tiny person. I thought life would surely get back to normal if I just worked harder. Yet, the harder I worked, the more disappointed I became at the lack of control I had over any part of my life.

One night about six weeks later, I sat rocking my sleeping baby after the 2 AM feeding. The moon shone on her peaceful and quiet face and once again, I said to myself for the hundredth time, “When are things ever going to get back to normal?” It was really part of an ongoing prayer with my Heavenly Father. Yet that night I heard in my heart, the still, small voice that can only come from Him, “You are going to have a NEW normal now.”

Oh, that was it. I was to stop trying to go backwards to the old way of doing things and look forward to something new. As this simple idea took hold of my heart and mind, the weight of anxiety and frustration dropped from my shoulders as I let go of my expectations. Life, as I knew it, changed forever and for the next eighteen years, we rode a roller coaster of high adventure. I am so thankful for the gentle nudge to let go of the past and move forward in anticipation rather than fear of the unknown.

I love to tell the story of “the NEW normal” to first-time moms—that there is hope if we let go of our expectations. Life continues and now “my baby” has three daughters of her own and I have the privilege of loving, listening, and spoiling those precious girls…and then sending them home to mom. No one told me how much fun it would be to be a grandmother!

About Gerry
I am a wife, mother, and grandmother and find each role to be both fulfilling and challenging. My desire in blogging is to encourage women by sharing experiences that may help you with questions about everyday living. I want to inspire you to take risks in your personal life, challenge you to be bold in a world of gray or neutral, demonstrate God’s faithfulness in easy and hard times, and love you in a way that reveals God with skin on.

My blog is found at http://gerryblumberg.blogspot.com.

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Fulfillment

Accepting motherhood

I like to think that I’m okay with change. I’m not sure that’s true.

It was around 34 weeks into this pregnancy that I finally began to accept that there are really things that I can’t do while pregnant. I mean, sure, I didn’t participate in the litany of contraindicated activities/foods/etc. But it was so easy for me to (still!) forget that I was pregnant, or to want to act as though I wasn’t—walking lots, bending down, carrying Hayden, etc.

And now, less than three weeks from my due date, I’m really beginning to see that there are things I can’t and shouldn’t do at this stage of pregnancy—constantly getting up and down, carrying Hayden all the time, slouching 😉 .

I realized today that the fact was I haven’t really been able to do these things for a while, but now I’m finally beginning to accept and admit that.

This made me think back to when Hayden was first born, and my difficult transition into motherhood. A large part of that was, of course, the physical challenges of a deluge of hormones, an inability to sleep for more than three consecutive hours, and the recovery from birth and complications.

But perhaps the more difficult thing to overcome was accepting that my life—my abilities, my time, my needs, and my role in meeting the needs of my family—was not the same and never would be.

Of course, I didn’t think that everything would be the same after having a baby—it’s probably pretty much impossible to understand how much your life will change before you go through it. But resisting the changes and the new role that you’ll have to play really doesn’t help.

Two and a half years later, and I’m still resisting accepting the changes that (impending) motherhood brings. I hope that the changes that come with my new baby won’t be as difficult to accept as they were the first time around.

What helped you to accept your new role as a mother?