Category: Fulfillment

Motherhood shouldn’t just be a drudgery. Find fulfillment in your most important calling–mother.

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Fulfillment Faith

The work of motherhood

smaller making mothers day merry badgeYesterday, I asked:

Do you find it difficult to honor motherhood? I know I do! If so, why do you think that is? Is it the nature of the work? Pressures from others? Pressures and expectations from yourself?

For me, it’s a combination of the three, of course, but mostly expectations I have for myself, followed by the repetitive and even “drudgerous” nature of the “work” of motherhood.

But even as I pondered that, I realized that my underlying assumption here is misleading. Yes, motherhood is work. It’s hard work, even. But motherhood itself, motherhood as an institution, has very little to do with the maintenance- and housework that we commonly associate it.

As I’ve said before, motherhood isn’t about housework. It’s not about cleaning or cooking or organizing, though all those things are part-and-parcel of the tasks that come with having children. But “Motherhood is not, at its heart, about doing. Motherhood is about being. Because motherhood isn’t just something you do; it’s who you are.”

Granted, these tasks are important—and time consuming. But perhaps if we separate the day-to-day chores that accompany (or are simply magnified by) the arrival children, we’ll be able to slowly begin to see motherhood in a positive light.

What do you think? Can we mentally separate the maintenance of our children (and our own) from the meaning of motherhood?

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Faith Fulfillment

HONORing motherhood

smaller making mothers day merry badgeI find it interesting that in the King James Version of the Bible, nine of the ten commandments are negative commandments: don’t do this, don’t do that. Even “Remember the sabbath day, to keep it holy” goes on to say “thou shalt not do any work. . . .” To break these commandments, you have to actively do something: kill, cheat, worship a graven image, etc.

There one exception, one commandment that could be broken by simply a sin of omission: “Honour thy father and thy mother: that thy days may be long upon the land with the Lord thy God shall give thee.”

Traditionally, we understand this commandment to mean “obey your parents,” but that isn’t what it says. It says to honour. (Perhaps your wedding vows contained the promise to “love, honor and obey,” three different concepts.) This particular word choice can add a lot to our understanding of not only this commandment but also the kind of value that we should place on motherhood. (I’d love to hear any insights gained on this from the original Hebrew, too, if anyone has any!)

What does it mean to honor motherhood? We can pretty easily define motherhood, and we’ve even done so in one of our most popular group writing projects.

So what does it mean to ‘honor’ motherhood? In my scriptures, a helpful footnote gives a few synonyms for ‘honour’: “respect or value.” This goes far deeper than just obeying your parents’ rules until you get out of the house, and expecting the same from your children.

Truly honoring motherhood means to place value upon the efforts that we make as mothers every day, and not just because these efforts give us food to eat, clean clothes to wear and a clean house. Honoring motherhood means recognizing that raising our children is important, and quite probably the most important thing we’ll ever do. It’s a task that’s worth doing, worth doing well, and incredibly challenging.

Do you find it difficult to honor motherhood? I know I do! If so, why do you think that is? Is it the nature of the work? Pressures from others? Pressures and expectations from yourself?

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Fulfillment

A very Merry (un)Mother’s Day!

making mothers day merry badgeAre you counting down until Mother’s day? If not, here’s a heads up: it’s coming up in about three weeks (May 11!).

In honor of this most awesome mothering holiday, I’m planning a series of posts on honoring, appreciating and showing appreciation for motherhood. I would love it if you’d join me in making Mother’s day merry!

Naturally, you can do this by reading and commenting on my posts here. You can also do this by specific suggesting subjects for me to write on. But best of all, you can do this by posting your own post about honoring motherhood. You can call for the world to sit up and notice moms; you can remind your kids and husband of all you do for them.

Won’t you join me in celebrating all that mothers have done for us, and continue to do today?

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Contests Kids/Parenting Fulfillment

Savor the seasons of motherhood

I have to be honest. While spring is my favorite season of the year, it didn’t really have much to do with my choice of the GWP theme for March/April. Instead, the theme was inspired by a quotation, source long since lost, that a good friend’s mother shared with her:

Wise is the woman who cherishes each season
and cheerfully anticipates the next.

My friend shared this quotation during a lesson in church on having patience. Most of us in the room were mothers, many with young children—and I think we all recognized the very common human tendency to want to rush or move on through the difficult times of parenting.

Focusing solely on the future, the next season of our lives, robs many of us of the joy of today. We dwell on the difficulties that bedevil us now: lack of sleep, kids’ eating problems, overwhelming amounts of housework, lack of time with our children and/or spouse, kids’ tantrums, and on and on. We could all likely spend hours listing the things about motherhood that leave us dissatisfied. For me, at least, after I’ve done that, all I’m left with is dissatisfaction.

When I stop brooding over the “bad” parts of motherhood, however, suddenly my charge is less of a chore. When I look at the cute and sweet things that my son already does, when I marvel at the ways he’s grown and continues to grow every day, I don’t think about the drudgery that it was.

arty b/w photo of Hayden at 26 months

Perhaps hindsight is 20/20; perhaps memory is blind. But as I look back over Hayden’s brief life, my chief regret (aside, possibly, from mildly spoiling him 😉 ) is not enjoying him more, even during the difficult times.

So today, I’ll savor the season. Today, I will do the work of motherhood, and I will choose to be happy. Tomorrow I’ll be able to look back with fond memories of the time I spent today. And I’ll be ready for the challenges—and joys—that tomorrow will surely bring.

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Fulfillment

The little things

Sometimes I feel like I won’t feel happy with motherhood until my children are grown and living good lives of their own—when my job is “done.” But not only is that kind of silly, it ignores the fact that I can be happy as a mother today.

And sometimes the things that make me happy as a mother are the tiny details that make a day go easier:

  • Hayden’s sippy is full when I get it out of the fridge
  • Hayden asks to read a book instead of watch TV
  • Hayden counts (two, pour, pie, tih, ten!)
  • Hayden goes down for a nap or bedtime peacefully
  • Hayden eats something after he’s asked for it.

What are the little things that make you smile and make your day go easier?

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Kids/Parenting Fulfillment

Kids have the darndest timing

In last 6 weeks or so, Hayden has really started picking up two word phrases. “B’eh du (Bless you)” was the just first (well, after “Doo too (thank you)”). He’s since picked up sentences as advanced as “No wanna” (especially popular at bedtime), “You ohay?” and “Deriddis (There it is).”

But of course, my favorite of Hayden’s new sentences is “Wuh doo” or “Wub doo”—”Love you.” He’s gotten so used to saying it that when he walks off from me during the day, he will wave and say “Buh bye; wuh doo!”

Usually, however, Hayden saves his “wuh doos” to respond to Ryan and me when we first tell him that we love him. But today was different.

I was having a frustrating time with the computer—freezing programs, forgotten logins and just plain wrong security questions. For some reason, Hayden chose that time to insist that I “um on (come on).” When I asked what he wanted me to do, he threw a fit.

I lost my patience and lectured him that I was busy with something that was important and very frustrating. While he was initially very upset, he calmed himself down quickly. But there’s not much more pitiful than a two-year-old stoically wiping tears from his eyes with a huge pouty lip. Even as I was telling him that I was working on something important, I knew that the things I was doing on the computer weren’t really ‘important’; Hayden was.

I picked him up and apologized for yelling at him. I just rocked him for a few moments and he rested his head on my shoulder and patted my back.

Then Hayden sat up and looked at me. “Wuh doo,” he said, still just the slightest bit pitiful.

I love you, too, sweet boy.