Category: Fulfillment

Motherhood shouldn’t just be a drudgery. Find fulfillment in your most important calling–mother.

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Fulfillment

Appreciating other mothers’ struggles

There are a number of mothers that I admire, my own mother not least among them. But today I’m writing about two of my good friends. They’re my neighbors and friends. They each have many more children than I do (which isn’t so hard, since I do only have the one so far!).

But the reason that I admire them so much isn’t because they somehow manage to run perfect households filled with perfect children and are always perfect mothers—though it often seems that way to me on the outside.

Fortunately, we’ve become good enough friends that I know that’s not the truth. I would be incredibly intimidated by them and their wonderful families if it weren’t for the fact that my friends are so brutally honest about their lives—and their struggles.

I appreciate my friends’ battles with patience and other problems. Not because it makes me feel superior to them—but because I understand their struggles so deeply. It’s reassuring to know that even mothers who really do have so much under control (at least in my opinion) aren’t perfect. It helps me to adjust my expectations for myself, too.

So thank you, my friends, for being honest about your real lives and sharing your struggles with me.

I know it can be pretty easy to share our struggles with people online who we’ll probably never meet in person, but that’s one of the reasons why I started this blog, to share my struggles. Please feel free to share your struggles with me anytime.

Stay tuned for next week’s Group Writing Project!

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Kids/Parenting Fulfillment

Today, while the blossoms

Sunday’s For Better or For Worse comic strip pretty aptly describes parenthood. I’ve mentioned the “time-space continuum” that is motherhood before, but after a discussion earlier this week I was thinking about it again.

There is something at every age that we want our children to grow out of. Right now, I’d like Hayden to grow out of throwing fits and not communicating verbally (although he has a plethora of new words over the weekend: bubble, baby, Jesus (‘Dedus’)).

But somehow it seems like the memory of all those things fade almost as soon as they’re past. Sometimes when I complain to my mother about the typical foibles of his age, my mother tells me that it’s all a very distant memory for her (my youngest sister will turn 16 this week).

Ever since he was born, I’ve been in “hurry up and grow up” mode. Get past the lump stage; start reacting to me; start sleeping through the night already; start crawling; REALLY, start sleeping through the night; start walking; stop nursing; start talking. I’m always ready for him to move on to the next milestone.

And then you think about the good things of this age, and you remember to treat each moment a little more preciously:

  • Spontaneous hugs, kisses and snuggles.
  • Unconditional love.
  • Adorable stories—For example, a few weeks ago in church, his class had a lesson on animals. He wasn’t paying much attention until they got to a picture of a cat. He ran up, grabbed the picture from the teacher and started giving it kisses. Did I mention who his best friend was?
  • His little lectures—I don’t think I’ll ever be able to capture them on camera, since he will never do anything cute once he sees the camera’s on, but Hayden talks all day long. But even cuter than the babbling are the very adult-like expressions and hand gestures that accompany them. I feel like I’m getting a college lecture all day long!
  • His laugh.
  • His expression and the way he’s scrunching up his shoulders and pointing here:
    Hayden reading 19 months
    Having the ad upside down doesn’t hurt the cuteness either.

I could go on for a long time (who couldn’t go on and on about their own child?!), but even just listing those five is making me feel better!

The title of the post comes from a song that I’ve referenced before. It’s a lullaby that my mother sang to us when we were little and we sing it at each of the sisters’ weddings:


Today, while the blossoms still cling to the vine,
I’ll taste your strawberries; I’ll drink your sweet wine.
A million tomorrows shall all pass away
Ere I forget all the joy that is mine
Today.

Today I can appreciate the best things about this age.

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Kids/Parenting Fulfillment

You did it!

Hayden likes to sit on the couch. Especially if I’m there. It’s still a tiny bit too high for him to climb up on his own, so I help him. I can actually just stick my foot out and he can climb on that. So I help him climb up—on my foot, my hand, a step stool, whatever.

He climbs and climbs like he’s scaling Everest. When he finally gets himself situated on the couch, I exult, “You did it!”

Did he do it? Mostly. I helped a little. I realized once that it’s how life is. Our parents get us started. They point us in the right direction, train us up in the way that we should go, instill values in us. And boy, is it ever a big responsibility.

But in the end, it will be mostly our own efforts that count. Our parents can try all our lives to teach us right from wrong, but we have to choose to act on those teachings. And boy, is that ever a big responsibility!

One time, a few months ago, after I helped him up, he turned around, sat down and then lean forward and demanded, “Mmm! Mmmm!”

He wanted a kiss.

I’ll take whatever thank you I can get for today’s boost.

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Fulfillment

What is patience?

As I’ve been working on patience a lot lately (okay, always), I’ve had occasion to think about it quite a bit as well. And I realized that I don’t always know what patience is.

I’ve been surprised to find that there was actually a lag between losing my temper and losing my patience. I think that having a lag there is a big improvement over going to straight to losing my patience!

Okay, I know that sounded a little esoteric, so here’s a more concrete explanation: I’ve realized that the more I work on patience, I have still gotten angry or frustrated (lost my temper)—but I hadn’t yet acted on that to “lose my patience.”

I’ve been disappointed with myself for losing my temper as I’m working on developing patience. But when I lose my temper, if I haven’t yet acted in anger, I don’t think I’ve lost my patience. If I recognize how I’m feeling, and stop and make an effort not to act in anger, I can calm down and keep my patience.

Does that sound like an artificial distinction? I thought it was, especially when I lost my temper and my patience happened in the same instant. But the more I think about it, and the more of a gap I can create between losing my temper and losing my patience, the more I believe that this is a sign of progress. As long as I keep choosing to calm myself down, anyway.

Of course, that’s the thing with patience—it’s something you get to work on forever, since it can be so easy to lose! And once I start getting better about being patient (you know, in ten or fifteen years) (only half joking), I can work on not getting angry, either.

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Fulfillment Faith

To be a better mother

I’m not, in general, a bad mother. But I’m also not always the best mother that I can be. I’ve found that these three things, when I do them, make me a better mother:

1. Focus. By focus, I mean that I focus on Hayden. I really find that I enjoy my son and motherhood in general a lot more when I stop trying to get so much else done. Yes, I have to keep the house clean and my family fed, but when I spend most of my time just caring for and playing with Hayden, we both have a better day (even when the sink’s full of dishes).

2. Patience. I’m really, really working on this one because I’m not usually a patient person (especially not with family members, as sad as that is). The funny thing about patience is, of course, that even once you’ve become more patient, you get to “work” on it your whole life. It’s not like you just magically wave a wand and nothing ever upsets you again—even if it’s less frequent (which is what I’m striving toward now), our patience isn’t always perfect in this life.

3. Faith. This is in many ways interrelated with #2, because I’m using my faith to try to improve my patience. But my faith affects more of my parenting than that. It does give a long list of principles and lessons that I’m responsible for teaching my children, but it also provides me with sustaining power. I’ve had mornings where I can’t get out of bed because I’m exhausted and Hayden wakes up an hour and a half earlier than normal, and the only way I ever get out of bed on those days is after fervent prayer.

I’m far from perfect—and honestly, I know I won’t become perfect in this life, and certainly not by my own power—but when I do these three things, I enjoy motherhood more and I feel as though I’m a better mother!

What attributes or skills make you feel like a better mother?

This post is part of Mommy Zabs’ group writing project. The late part.

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Fulfillment Faith

How can I show a mother that I appreciate what she does?

Whether you want to show your own mother, the mother of your children, or just a good friend how much you appreciate what she does as a mother, first of all, let me thank you! Moms everywhere could use more appreciation.

Here seven ideas on how to show the mother in your life that you appreciate her:

  1. Write her a thank you note or letter. Be as specific as possible. (Need some ideas? Check out the twenty-nine great entries for the “Thanks, Mom” Group Writing Project!)
  2. Give her some time off. Offer to babysit her children, or arrange for someone you both trust to watch her (or both of your) children and take her out!
  3. Get her a thoughtful gift. Something that she likes is best: however she likes to treat herself. Whether that’s chocolates or a bubble bath. Be sure to include a note telling her to take some time to enjoy herself!
  4. Get her a pretty gift. For the last few years at Christmas, I’ve given my husband a gift list which always ends with “Something to make me feel beautiful.” For some women, this is jewelry, or make up, or nice clothing. For others, it could be a nicely framed picture of her that looks particularly attractive. For others, it could be pampering at home or at a spa.
  5. Tell her what a good job she’s doing. Even the most confident of mothers sometimes struggles with feelings of inadequacy. Those reassuring words can echo back to her the next time she doubts her abilities as a mother.
  6. Pray for her. If you’re religious, you understand what a strengthening effect a prayer of faith can have. Studies have even shown that people who were sick recovered more quickly when people prayed for them—even if they didn’t know they were praying. Imagine what it could do for your favorite mother!
  7. Just say it. Tell her, “Jeanette, I think it’s great that you’re a mom. A mother’s work is so important, and I’m glad that you’re involved in your kids lives that way.”

Now it’s your turn: what’s the best way for your spouse, kids or friends to show you that they appreciate what you do as a mother?

(PS: I hope all of your spouses, parents, neighbors and friends type that question into the search engine of their choice and end up here!)