Category: Fulfillment

Motherhood shouldn’t just be a drudgery. Find fulfillment in your most important calling–mother.

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Fulfillment

Find fulfillment today

Sometimes, I really think we (or at least I) overthink finding fulfillment. And I think it’s because I tend to dwell on the negative.

It’s not that I’m pessimistic, although it does probably have something to do with my tendency to be overwhelmed a little too easily. When I am overwhelmed or stressed or just not the mother that I want to be, I become consumed by that moment. I don’t want to get up to face the day; I can’t stomach the prospect of keeping Hayden out of the knife drawer for three more hours; I’m just so emotionally exhausted.

I just can’t do it sometimes. And during those times, whether it’s Hayden whining for two hours straight, or constantly making messes or smacking me in the face, I am all consumed. It’s those times that make an impression on my mind: motherhood is hard.

And while those struggling times can be frequent with a toddler in the house, they really aren’t the full picture. It can be easy to forget the easy times, the good times, and the happy times, and they certainly don’t have the same cumulative effect in my mind.

So this weekend, while you’re having a picnic, camping in the backyard, playing board games, at the ball game or just chilling at home, pause for just a moment to remind yourself, “This is it—this is motherhood. Not all the work, not the messes—the love and the joy and the . . . ticklebugs!”

Pardon me—I see a little boy who needs a tickling.

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Kids/Parenting Faith

Three Things for Hayden

I really didn’t intend for the June Group Writing Project to become a serious repository for the three most important things ever in your life. I figured most people would take a light-hearted approach, especially after the ever-so-serious topic for May, “Dear Children. . .” I was bowled over by how introspective and thought-provoking many (perhaps most) of the posts turned out.

And now I feel as though I should share the three things that I really want for Hayden. The things I worry about on nights when it’s too hot to sleep, when I see other women’s children alone in the world, when I am alone in a quiet house, not working.

Hayden, if ever you read this (and I’m rather confident you will, since nothing is ever lost on the Internet, and I have yet to throw away a computer), these are the three most important things I can tell you:

  1. Love God with all your heart, might, mind and strength. Keep your eye single to His glory. Do the best that you can—and sometimes, even better—and He will strengthen you in this life and make you more than you could have imagined. (To say nothing of the next life!)
  2. Love your future wife. Always be faithful to her, whomever she is, whatever she may be doing—starting now. Life your life to be worthy of her that when you finally meet her, you will be ready to marry her.
  3. O be wise; what can I say more? I know that you are young, and are not yet wise.  But many, many, many wise people have lived before us.  I will try to teach you the things which they have learned from sad experience, that you will not have to make the difficult, painful mistakes that so many of us make.  I cannot tell you all the things that may happen to you if you make poor choices, but I can tell you the most important things you can do in this life to make you and those around you truly happy.

Stay tuned for this afternoon’s announcement of the June Group Writing Project Winner!

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Fulfillment Faith

Why fulfillment?

Why is MamaBlogga all about mom’s search for meaning, finding fulfillment in motherhood? There are lots of other ways to find fulfillment; can’t those tide a mother over until she’s done raising her kids and can get on with her life?

I suppose so. But I think that a “let me just get through this and then get on with my life” is a recipe for resentment. I should know—about every other week, I change my plans for the time when my all my kids will be in school, hopefully in about a decade. I’ll go get a PhD, I’ll speak at conferences, I’ll write a book—someday, someday, someday.

It’s a bit like living our lives according to a strict religious code, thinking, “If I can just do this incredibly hard, arduous task now, I’ll be happy in Heaven forever.” Yes, you will—but I believe that God wants us to be happy now, and His commandments are given to us to help us be happier.  (After all,  don’t you think we’ll be living those same commandments in Heaven?  Will we magically be happy doing something there that we resented doing here?)

Whether or not you believe as I do, you probably have (or want) children right now. I want every mother to be able to feel fulfillment and pride as a mother—now, not just in fifteen or twenty years when her children are grown, when they’re “accomplishments.”

We’re often told that this is impossible. The Harvard Business School’s model of success used to be: “Achievement.” We’re told that in motherhood, there are no achievements. There’s nothing you can put on a resume, get a bonus for or show off to your friends. (Okay, well, there’s potty training.)

If you are feeling this way, I want you to know that those people are wrong. Many of the things that count as “achievements” in this life—landing a contract, winning a case, even truly good and important things—will fade in significance more quickly than we expect. The Harvard Business School revised its model of success to include happiness, significance and legacy. Many will tell you that motherhood doesn’t provide these either. They are wrong.

There is nothing more significant you can do than to instill values into your children’s hearts. I know you want to do this—most of this month’s Group Writing Project entries have directly addressed or alluded to some kind of values, whether it be courtesy, family, self-worth or religious beliefs.

I won’t lie to you: it’s not easy. But it is worth it. One day, I hope and pray, I will see the people my children have become. I will be matriarch over a clan of children, children-in-law, grandchildren (and hopefully sisters, brothers-in-law, nieces, nephews and their posterity, if we live close enough). And even when our dozens of friends and family come all together, say, for my child’s wedding, I will only see a small portion of the good works our family will have wrought. That is significance, happiness and legacy.

But that’s “Heaven” (on Earth). While I look forward to that day, I don’t just have to live for that day, and neither do you.

Enjoy today. Be fulfilled today. One of the first things you have to do to be fulfilled is to recognize that what you do is significant.  Yes, even keeping the toddler out of the cat food.

Mothers matter.  Don’t let anyone ever tell you otherwise.  Mothers matter and you matter.

What else can I do to help you feel fulfilled?

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Kids/Parenting Ryan/Married Life Fulfillment Contests

June Group Writing Project Day Three

Wow, I’m going to run out of great things to say about the excellent entries for the June group writing project that are still coming in!

Today, we have seven more entries, bringing the total of submitted entries to 23!

Once again, read, share and comment—and don’t forget to submit your entries!

Today, three things I want my son to do just like his daddy:

  1. Be good. I once asked my husband what was the worst punishment his parents had ever given him. He couldn’t think of anything. He’d never done anything to be grounded or anything. (His mother has told me many times that he never gave them a minute of trouble or worry!)
  2. Be sweet. When I first met Ryan, I was deceived by what I perceived to be a “bad boy” act. He is really a good person—and very sweet (to me). If Hayden can be as gentle, caring and supportive to his wife as Ryan is to me, she’ll be a most lucky woman.
  3. Be dedicated to the best things. Ryan has been dedicated to all the right things in his life, from his (our) beliefs to a strict code of behavior (see #1) to his job to our family. He has his priorities right and has made sacrifices throughout his life, some of which have not been easy, to follow the higher good.

Okay, the honest-to-goodness truth: when I found out we were having a boy, I begged Ryan to let our son be just like him. He didn’t make any promises (darn!), but if I can say about my son what Ryan’s mother can say about him in 25 years, I will feel as though I’ve done better than my best as a mother (and, I hope, feel supremely fulfilled in my role as mother!).

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Fulfillment

Let’s Change the World!

I often say that complaining without offering constructive solutions is just whining.

Well, I’m tired of whining about how the world views mothers. I want to be able to help mothers look at their children—not their degrees, not their paychecks, not their status symbols—and see fulfillment.

I may not be able to change society’s opinion of motherhood, but I would love to change yours. I would love to help you find fulfillment in motherhood. I’m working on it, too, but I think we can help each other. I know that for every mother that values herself in her calling as a mother, I feel strengthened and heartened.

So what can I do to help you find fulfillment in motherhood? What do you struggle with? How can I remind you of the true worth of the little and sometimes tedious things you do every day?

Let me know!

Categories
Kids/Parenting Fulfillment

The space/time continuum that is Motherhood

When I first became a mother, a surprising number of experienced parents and grandparents tole me that I should cherish this time because it goes by so quickly.

Sometimes I wanted to smack them.

Other times, they at least acknowledged that they knew it didn’t seem that way to me right then. How true that was! Right then, I was looking at the prospect of thousands of sleepless nights (or at least interrupted nights), eight to twelve feedings a day and a baby that, other than during those feeding times, didn’t seem to know who I was.

This was not, of course, how I’d imagined it. I imagined a cute and cuddly baby that would possess a calm assurance in the arms of his mother (laugh if you’d like, but I have friends who insist this is the case with their child). I wanted the sweet baby that only has eyes for his mother. Don’t get me wrong. Hayden was a very good baby. He didn’t cry very often (when he was born, the nurses had a difficult time extracting more than a whimper!). He nursed very well. He slept okay—not great, but not horribly.

But despite what everyone told me, these days were not going by fast. And every day wore on like the one before. Because of Ryan’s work schedule, we enjoyed three day weekends every week, but I spent a lot of my days and weeks counting down until the time Ryan would arrive home, or until the weekend. (Okay, I still do.) Every once in a while, I’d look back, amazed at how big my boy was getting or how much he’d developed. The months slipped away, but the days were molasses.

I just wanted him to hurry up and get to the phase where he’d sleep through the night, or walk, or not be teething anymore (we’re almost there), or be potty trained (ha!). Or, at the beginning, the phase where he would smile at me, or look at my eyes and see . . . anything or not fall asleep while nursing every single time he ate.

And then, suddenly, he was at each of those phases. To have my son smiling and seem to know who I was was so gratifying! He was the cutest baby with his drooly, toothless grin.

And then, just as suddenly, I’d realize he’d kept growing. The first time it hit me was when he cut his first tooth. I cried because my little baby was growing up. Yesterday I was contemplating cutting some of his hair, since it’s getting to be almost 3 inches long in places.

I mentioned it to my neighbor, whose youngest is a few months older than Hayden (and has had, I think, multiple hair cuts). She told me not to cut it, because when you do, “they grow up so fast.” I thought of all the little boys in the neighborhood with their tinymanhaircuts.

Maybe this phase goes by fast enough all by itself. I certainly don’t need to help it along. Maybe what people told me was right, after all.