Category: Kids/Parenting

Tips, tricks and adventures in parenting two kids.

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Kids/Parenting Fulfillment

Guest Post: Unlovable Lovable You

By Shannon Johnson

The other day Tom asked me, half (or more) seriously, why I love the baby best — why I never get mad at her, why she always gets kisses and exaggeratedly-happy greetings, and how I can cheerfully drop everything to take care of her ficklest of whims.

Evolutionary biology, I said.

But I do have three other kids; the oldest is ten-going-on-teenager and all four of them are girls: emotional, hormonal, sweet, cutting, endearing, curious, determined females. I’m not entirely sure how we’re going to survive the next twenty years, especially because the memory of my own middle school experience is so fresh, but here is what I have learned:

When kids are most unlovable, they are most in need of love. When they are sour with sickness or stinky with kid sweat and suspicious-smelling mud, they are most in need of hugs. When they are frustrated and impatient, they are most in need of compassion and patience. When they feel most unworthy and insecure, they are most in need of praise and security. When they make choices impossible to understand, they are most in need of understanding.

And when they are angry or sad enough to shout that they hate me and wish I wasn’t their mother, that is when they are most in need of exactly me: with all of my impatience and insecurity and frustration, all of my love and forgiveness and here-take-the-last-bite-of-bread (but don’t touch the brownies), they are most in need of me.

About the author
Shannon Johnson makes her home in Utah with her husband and four daughters. She blogs about coming to terms with motherhood, parenting, raising daughters and life at Seagull Fountain.

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Kids/Parenting Fulfillment

Guest Post: Lessons Learned?

By Shannon Bowles

I tend to struggle to learn life lessons. I generally only really appreciate them in hindsight, which seems slightly unfair. They would have been really helpful to know in the middle of my life’s experiences! Lessons in motherhood are no different. I am finally able to apply many of the things I have learned as a mother with my third child. It sure would have been great to know that it was not that big of a deal and not to freak out when my newborn wouldn’t nurse for 5-6 hours. Or to have known that my insomnia, crying spells, and lethargy could possibly have been something a little more than “baby blues.” Now that I am a veteran mother (hey, I’m on newborn number three, that should give me a little street cred!) I have a tin bit more wisdom under my belt.

Oddly enough I had a motherhood epiphany while cleaning toilets last week. I was thinking about all the things I wish I would have appreciated while I was in the middle of them, and I suddenly realized that someday this exact toilet scrubbing, diaper changing, baby cuddling, Dr. Seuss reading stage will be one of the times that I will look back upon and wish I had appreciated. Ten years from now I may be going back to school or working or possibly both, and I’ll sigh wistfully and think, “Man, remember back when all I had to do was be a mom? Those were the days.” And I will be right. These are the days!

I am a doer by nature, so being a stay at home mom has been a struggle from the beginning. Now that my brood is growing I stay a little more traditionally busy, but really my days don’t usually consist of much that the world would define as productive. I used to really struggle with that because I felt like I wasn’t really doing anything. I have come to realize over the last five years that I am mothering! It’s my job, and whether or not it is acknowledged by the world in general, it means the world to my family. And to me.

I am lucky to have this season in my life to just be a mom. I am still a doer; motherhood hasn’t changed that, but now I count things like finger painting, baking with my children, going to museums, aquariums, parks, and libraries, doing laundry and dishes, and reading picture books as productive. They are producing the most important thing . . . my children. Although I will still probably look back on these years and think “Man, remember when all I had to do was be a mom?” I like to think that realizing it now will help me enjoy just being a mom!

About the author
Shannon Bowles is a Mommy, Cook, Housekeeper, Accountant and Activities Director. She and her husband have two sons and a daughter. Shannon blogs about their busy, joyful life at Bowling for Cute.

Photo by Richard Summers

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Kids/Parenting Fulfillment Faith

Guest Post: The Joys of Infertility

By Christine Bryant

When Jordan asked me to write a guest post on her blog for Mother’s Day, I almost turned her down. Who am I to write on something that used to cause me so much pain? You see, I’ve never been able to conceive a child of my own and for several years Mother’s Day had been a difficult holiday to get through.

I lost count of how many times I heard other parents complain about their kids and I longed for their trials, their daily routines of wiping noses and changing diapers. How I craved their sleepless nights, pacing with a sick child, the cookie crumbs crunching beneath their feet on the kitchen floor. I cringed every time a friend announced she was expecting or when a baby was blessed in church. The inability to conceive a child had worn through to my soul. I doubted everything I did, everything I was.

My husband and I chose to deal with our infertility differently. He dealt with it in silence. I, on the other hand, had the idea in my head that if I could make the world around me perfect, that maybe God would perform some kind of miracle and make me pregnant. I insisted on a perfect home. Shoes came off at the door. Dirty dishes were never left in the sink. Coats were not allowed to hang on a doorknob or chair—they had to be carefully hung in the closet. My compulsive behavior soon drove a wedge between my husband and me. He spent more and more time at work and I spent more time complaining about it. He could do nothing right.

It was a trip with my mom that changed everything. She needed help cleaning my grandmother’s house and asked me to go with her. While there, I met with a cousin I hadn’t seen for years. She had also been unable to have children, but had chosen to adopt. They had a beautiful little girl. We talked for hours about the process and how much joy it had brought to her and her husband.

On the long drive home, our conversation played over and over in my head. Why hadn’t we thought of adoption? Was it the answer to our prayers? Was there still hope for us? Could we love another woman’s baby?

The following week, Ed and I had gone grocery shopping. We’d gone different directions with our own list of wanted items when we found ourselves at opposite ends of an aisle. As we walked toward each other, I realized we were on the baby aisle. Emotions swelled up inside me. This was a place I always avoided. This time it was different though. I’d let a glimmer of hope wander into my heart. Adoption.

Where we’d avoided talking about having children in the past, I suddenly had the courage to confront Ed about bringing a special spirit into our homes. Without hesitation, he said yes.

I don’t even know if we finished shopping that day. I don’t remember. All I know is that the walls we had built between us were falling down and we were talking. We discovered each other’s feelings and realized that in sharing them, the pain was easier to handle.

After months of paper work and interviews, we were finally approved to be adoptive parents. Four years later, we held the most precious baby boy in our arms. The joy in our hearts was overwhelming. In spite of all the sorrow and pain we had endured as an infertile couple, we had come together as a couple and were now a family.

Our son, Joshua, is seventeen now and even though he’s been diagnosed with autism, and life with him as been a challenge, he has brought more happiness to our lives than we could have ever imagined possible. As for me…well…let’s just say I hang my coat on the dining room chair and there are usually dirty dishes in the sink.

Being Joshua’s mother is a much more important thing to do.

About the author
Christine Bryant has always been a writer. She’s spent the last twenty-three years married to the man of her dreams and raising their family. After helping run the family restaurant for most of their marriage, Christine has finally broken away to pursue her dream of being an author. She blogs about her writerly pursuits at Day Dreamer by CK Bryant.

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Kids/Parenting

Z is for Zany: Crazy Daze of Motherhood by Jane Isfeld Still

A good mother lives to tell the tale—and a great mother learns to laugh about it. I hope I can laugh as much as Jane Still does in her book Crazy Daze of Motherhood. It seems like Jane has enjoyed more than her fair share of zany adventures (especially since this is her second book!)

I read this quick, funny book in one sitting—you know, sort of. (Jane would understand!) Jane chronicles a number of tales (which probably weren’t all funny at the time) of household and childhood mishaps—stories that all sound familiar and ring true, but Jane tells them with humor. I really did LOL as I was reading, and had to stop to read some of the stories aloud to my husband.

It’s hard to pick a favorite from the book, but one of the ones that stood out was an early story in the book, where Jane’s oldest (then 2) locked himself in the bathroom. After basically declaring a state—or whole country—of emergency, she calls the university her husband attends and has them find him in class. When he finally comes to the phone, Jane tells him to come home immediately and take the door off its hinges so they can free their son (who sounds like he’s playing with the plunger). The resolution might be something that you can only laugh at in retrospect (and with the whole buildup from the story—seriously, if I tell you the punchline now, you’ll be like, “That’s it?” and I’ll be like, “Well, yeah, but only funny.”)

The short stories are also good for moms who have to get up EVERY TEN SECONDS to fetch, serve, feed, quiet, referee, calm, cuddle, love, discipline and otherwise raise their kids 😉 . If you’re so lucky to get to read more than one story in a sitting, you get to see the flow between stories, which is great, especially the references back to previous stories.

In all, this was a cute, fun, funny book. I want to read Jane’s first book, Mother’s Daze, and I definitely look forward to more from her.

What’s your favorite funny story about yourself or your kids? Jane covers hospital stays, locked doors, household appliances, cooking and more—it’s all fair game! (And maybe I’ll make the book a giveaway—if I can bear to part with it. If so, comment with a funny story by Monday night, midnight, to enter!)

I received this book free for review. <sarcasm>I’m bought easily, so a $9 book is worth my good name, reputation and readership. I’m a rubber stamp.</sarcasm> Okay, it didn’t influence my review.

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Kids/Parenting

Y is for . . . L, if you asked my kids

My kids have a few odd speech habits—”feww” for “smell,” “foon” for “spoon,” and today “ball” for “small” (while crying). But so far one of the most persistent impediments is saying Y for L.

  • yeyyow
  • yittle/yiddew (especially Rebecca’s favorite nickname for Rachel, “yiddew baby!”)
  • yeash (leash)
  • And my favorite: I yub you!

I also love little kids’ attempts to jump. Rebecca is obsessed with jumping over the cracks when we’re walking on pavement, but her little feet never leave the ground at the same time (though she actually can jump—just not while walking).

What are your favorite learning (yearning?) processes to watch?

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Kids/Parenting

X is for eXhausting

Rachel’s teething. This morning she woke up at 5 and bawled unless I held her. I can’t seem to get to bed before midnight. And yet nothing gets done! The housework piles up, the kids are couch potatoes or at each other’s throats and every day I fall further and further behind on my work.

Although I typically resort to wasting time on the Internet when I can’t deal with my life, I suddenly think maybe wasting time is closer to what I need to do.

Yesterday, I decided to give myself an extension on my writing project. I haven’t gotten much more “done” today, but I have felt 100% better than yesterday.

I’m really the only one who expects total perfection from me. When I force myself to do everything and be everything for everyone, I can’t succeed. Instead of setting myself up for failure, I need to look at what I’m expecting of myself. Reasonable expectations aren’t just for other people 😉 .

What do you think? How can you tell when you’re pushing yourself too hard? What do you do?