Tips, tricks and adventures in parenting two kids.
Sometimes, I get Rachel up from her nap, and she’s happy and giggly, and especially so to see me. I just have to pick her up and hold her to my heart, marveling at how tiny she still is even though she’s growing so quickly. I have to tell her everything I’m thinking and feeling. I just breathe her in. “Rachel,” I told her today, “you’re so poopy!”
When I first became a mom, the adjustment was hard. Looking back now (five short/long years later), I realize so many of the things I thought I’d never get used to are just part of my routine now—and that’s not a bad thing!
1. Taking three times as long as it should to do just about everything.
Especially, but not limited to, taking a walk, shopping, using the stairs, outings, reading, crafts . . .
2. Running on empty, like all the time.
This doesn’t mean that you won’t throw the occasional grown-up-tantrum when the baby wakes up for the day at 5:30 after a child had you out of bed every hour since you dared to go to bed at midnight. But you’ll make it. Not fun, but 
physically possible.
3. The cuteness of childhood, adorable as it is.
You take for granted that they’ll be that way forever. Just this week, Rebecca started saying “p’ee-p’ease” instead of “mee-mease.”
4. The present.
It’s almost as if they’ve always been this size/capable/annoying/wonderful.
5. Being needed, like all the time.
And if for some reason your kids don’t need you, somehow we find other ways to make ourselves useful. Or other people or things who need us.
6. Being dirty.
It sounds gross, but seriously, from the stages of nursing to the diapers to the mud-pie stage, you realize that a little dirt isn’t the end of the world. (And if it’s not you physically, it’s probably the kids or the house. Or all three.) Just makes you appreciate the clean even more!
7. Having these sweet strangers around.
It seems like the older they get, the more they become their own people. It’s almost as if we can’t really know them the way we did when they were our babies. But we love them and love to get to know them a little better every day.
What have you gotten used to as a mother?
One of my dear friends enjoyed a transcendent-ordinary moment of motherhood the other day. It was an average day, but when her daughter found a new game, she took that opportunity to enjoy her daughter instead of focusing on what she needed to get done right! that! minute! (Ten guesses what I tend to do!)
You can read all about the completely adorable game her daughter invented, and how my friend embraced it. Elisa concludes:
It struck me that this sort of thing is exactly what makes motherhood worthwhile in the day to day ordinariness of routine: taking those fleeting opportunities to love.
And I couldn’t say it better.
How can you celebrate the ordinary by taking the opportunity to love today?
Photo by Tiffanie
For some—motherhood means raising your children and being the best you can be so that you know your child will grow up to make you proud. That is what society has pumped into the meaning of motherhood. And yes, that’s exactly what us moms want, but there are other things too . . .
What Do We Really Want as Moms?
Several things—to begin with, wonderful children that help bring meaning to our lives. Secondly, recognition for being able to tackle the impossible—being a mom isn’t easy but it certainly is rewarding. Thirdly, we want the occasional break, the chance to get away and be us again—that person we once knew minus the baby spit, uncombed hair, frazzled features and non-maimed outfit. Fourthly, we want to know our children were raised right, fed right, loved right, taught right and above all—grew up right—to be wonderful people, citizens, moms & dads, and husbands & wives. Right?
Children Bring Meaning to our Lives.
There is always a time where we get frustrated and maybe resent being a mom. And then, there are those times when something fantastic happens and we wouldn’t imagine being anything other than a mom. The latter scenario happens more often than the first because being a mom is fun and rewarding and without having little Jimmy throw Cheerios in your hair, what is life about? My uncle used to always tell me, “Grow up, get an education, find a wonderful man and have children because without children, there is no meaning to life.” I don’t necessarily thing the last part of his lecture is true; many people find meaning in life without children but those of us who have them know . . . there’s no going back and that’s they way we want it.
Let us be Recognized!
After carrying them for nine months in our womb, breast feeding, nursing, consistent coddling, diaper changes and every other task that doesn’t necessarily stop when they turn 18, we’d like some recognition. And if they’re not old enough to drive, bike or shop—then we’d like something handmade and crafty or even just a hug to make our day. We’d like our childless friends to know how much we sacrifice and we’d especially like our children’s fathers to know and say thanks with some occasional flowers, a night off or even a night out (with a spit-free outfit).
Let us be Free!
Yes, that occasional night out (spit-free outfit included) is exactly what we need, especially when our children are always in. There was a time, and it is a distant, distant memory, when we didn’t have deadlines, PTA meetings, exams, appointments, cleanings, doctor visits, swimming lessons, baseball practice, piano lessons, birthday parties and it never stops . . . anyways, before all of this we had us, just that one person we had to worry about. We wouldn’t change it—we love being moms—but sometimes having a night out to relax and maybe briefly forget about everything, is always rejuvenating and much deserving. Of course, if you’re anything like me—three seconds out of the house and I’m attached to my phone in case the babysitter calls and Jimmy fell down or isn’t able to sleep. Sometimes it seems more like a punishment to make yourself leave and be a person again and not just a mommy; that punishment is always so rewarding when you come home.
Then there is always the “old friends” who decided not to procreate and always have free time to hang out and party—why do they always wonder why you don’t? Because you have a life, you say to yourself and then quickly realize they do too; they just decided to live a different one from yours. And just when you’re ready to envy them and beg for freedom, you realize that kind of life isn’t what you want . . . or maybe it is . . . one night a month.
The Moment of Truth.
There it is . . . all out on the table. You’ve done the raising, the disciplining, the crying, the laughing, the cooking, the teaching, the cleaning, the pep talk, the inspiring and the raising . . . and now, it’s time to see how they turn out. Oh boy! This is always the tough one. Has your skills as a mother been enough and what happens if Jimmy doesn’t go to college, then med school, then maybe Harvard just for fun, get married and have children? Does that mean you fail? What if Jimmy goes off, explores the world, finds inspiration in drawing and opens an art studio in New York (maybe Newark)? Did you do your job as a parent? This is the scariest question for me. Have I done enough to be a good parent? And what does Jimmy have to do in life for me to know I’ve succeeded as a good mom?
The Answer?
Nothing. Jimmy doesn’t have to do anything for me to know I’ve succeeded. His success is now up to him and defined by himself. If he wants to be a musician, then he’s a success because that is what he wants to do. A doctor—even better—as long as he wants to do it. I firmly believe that the lessons and skills we pass on to our children will mold them for the rest of their lives but we ourselves, will never be able to mold them into their lives.
About the author
Maria Rainier is a freelance writer and blog junkie. She is currently a resident blogger at First in Education where she’s been researching both the highest paying jobs and the lowest paying jobs on the market. In her spare time, she enjoys square-foot gardening, swimming, and avoiding her laptop.
I think I forgot to mention this here since I already told my sisters and parents, but Rachel got her first tooth last week! #2 is ready to make an appearance any time. (And then maybe she’ll sleep past 6:30AM??)
Also this week, Rebecca got her first haircut. When Hayden drove his new RC car in her hair. (You can’t tell:
)
And Hayden continues to work on writing his name:
And you?
I’m always looking for fun things to do with my kids when it’s waaaay too cold to go outside. So when this guest post popped up in my inbox, I knew I wanted to share it!
by Vicki Bodwell
As a mother of three boys I am well acquainted with the meaning of cabin fever. Despite our generous collection of puzzles and board games, my kids have so much energy that they always manage to get restless. One way I avoid the temptation of sending them into the TV doldrums or turning them into computer zombies, is by giving them a project (or two) to occupy them for a cold weekend.
I find that the best thing to do with younger children is an activity that takes advantage of their greatest gift: their endless imagination! All it takes for my youngest son Wesley to get excited is a little inspiration to pretend, and his creative mind takes it from there. Last weekend he had a great time writing and illustrating his own storybook. Here’s how you can do it too:
What you’ll need:
The first step is for your child to figure out what kind of story he or she wants to write. This can be a great way to reinforce your child’s love of reading and storytelling. I started by discussing with Wesley what makes for a good story. I asked him about his favorite stories, and what the different parts of a story are.
Next, we flipped through the magazines for inspiration. Wesley cut out images that he liked and wanted to work into his story, whether as characters, setting for a scene, or props. If you have duplicates of family photos you can use those too. If you don’t have magazines lying around the house do not despair, your child can always just illustrate it by hand!
With our images selected, I had Wesley outline story, and then I had him write the story at the bottom of each page. Depending on the age of your child, you might want to help them write it. Then Wesley set to work making wonderful collages to illustrate his story.
Once he was done, I helped him cut out the cardboard for the front and back cover. How you finish the cover is up to you. You can cover it with wrapping paper for a festive design, you could paint it, or just cover it with white paper for a simple look. No matter what option you choose your child is sure to be proud when they see their name as the author! Simply staple the entire piece together and start reading!
Vicki Bodwell is the owner and founder of the Warm Biscuit Bedding Co., a national online retail story that specializes in children’s bedding, custom kid’s furniture, toys, and vintage fabrics. When she is not busy running her business, she spends her time taking care of her three amazing boys. To learn more about Vicki and the Warm Biscuit Bedding Co. please visit www.warmbiscuit.com.