If not for Mommy, then for Marty.
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Category: Kids/Parenting
Tips, tricks and adventures in parenting two kids.
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The Gibberish Treatment
Hayden isn’t old enough to give me the silent treatment. Instead, I think he’s giving me “the gibberish treatment.”
Yesterday at church, I was talking with one of my friends that watched Hayden while I was out of town. She said that Hayden had said a few things that really sounded like words—and even sentences!
- She went into the kitchen to make lunch and told Hayden to come along. He said, “I’m coming.”
- She told Hayden it was Caleb’s (her son’s) turn to play with something. Hayden said, “Turn?”
- She told Hayden to put the lid on his snacks and close them. He said, “Close it?”
I lamented to her that he never comes close to words when he’s jabbering at me. She smiled and said, “That’s ’cause you’re the mom—you’re supposed to know what he wants already!”
Strangely enough, I found this reassuring. The more I think about it, the more I like it. Over the last 16 months, I have come to know what Hayden likes and wants. He’s gradually finding ways to express it, too: he’s recent begun nodding and shaking his head. Not just randomly, but to communicate “yes” and “no.”
As I was buckling Hayden in his car seat today, and reassuring some of his whininess, when I suddenly realized, “Hey, I’m getting pretty good at this whole mom thing.”
It’s nice to have a smooth morning and that reassurance that I’m turning out okay as a mother, especially when Hayden’s got three teeth erupting ( 🙁 but at least he’s finally getting his last front teeth and molar) and just getting started in perfecting the fine art of tantrums.
I’ve mentioned before how hard it is to contemplate having another when you feel like you can barely handle this one, but the calm assurance that I really am doing okay does a lot to offset that—even if I really don’t know what Hayden wants.
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Story time
Today’s been . . . great. Here’s a very short story about my very long day.
If I had to place it in a genre, it would have to be ‘horror.’
It is entitled, “The Poop That No Diaper Could Contain.”
Actually, having said that, I think the story kind of tells itself. Except for a few details: it happened twice—today. The poop was white (TMI, I know, but I was more than a little freaked out at my son’s bizarre albino stool). In fact, I mistook some ‘escapees’ for pieces of bread. (Then I cleaned them up.)
Okay, this really isn’t that kind of blog.
But I do have to add one more detail. Hayden was sick over the weekend and I thought we’d gotten past that, but he’s been whiny and clingy and completely off solid food all week.
I was wrong. After the poops, there was the pukes.
Okay, I promise that’s it. I may come back tomorrow and decide this post is just too gross to keep and delete it.
If I get a minute tomorrow, that is.
Oh, I’m sure you’re wondering about our ant friends. Bay leaves didn’t work. 🙁
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Get your child to go to bed!
I have a premonition that we’ve been very lucky with Hayden. He rarely fights us when it’s time to go to bed for the night or for a nap. But I also attribute some of our luck to hard work in developing a bedtime routine from the time he was very small (about 3 months old). A bedtime routine is a great way to calm your child and help him or her transition from activities of the day to the quiet of the night (and hopefully sleep!). Eventually, repetition will help to condition your child (I hate saying that, but it’s true) to associate the bedtime routine with sleep.
A Toddler Bedtime Routine
Here’s what our bedtime routine looks like today:
- Shallow bath in the big tub. Brush teeth. Soap and washing twice a week. (Usually, this one is mostly done by Daddy)
- Dry off, put on diaper and onesie.
- At this point, Hayden stands up and knows what’s next. He grins, giggles and runs across the room to where his rocking chair waits.
- After he climbs into his rocking chair, Daddy reads him a story (or a few pages) while Mommy puts on his socks. (Lately he doesn’t want to stay in his chair. He sits on my lap while Ryan reads.)
- Daddy says good night, turns off the light, shuts the door and turns on the fan (white noise) in the hallway.
- Mommy gives Marty to Hayden (unless he got him during his story, which happens a lot), cradles him in her arms and maybe wraps him in a blanket.
- Mommy sings “Baby Beluga,” usually with made up words about Hayden. After a verse or two, Mommy gives Hayden a kiss and lays him down in his crib.
By now, it’s very rare for Hayden to cry or call out once we put him down. Of course, we’ve refined this routine for our family over the last year. See also the followup with more bedtime routine tips.
An Evolving Bedtime Routine
Over time, your child’s needs change. Once I stopped nursing Hayden to sleep, his night time bedtime routine looked like this:
- Nurse
- Bath in warm soapy water
- Towel off and rub lotion on dry areas (feet, hands, elbows, calves).
- Put on diaper and pajamas. I discovered that one of the reasons why this drove him nuts before was because at this point he was starving. By moving his feeding up to the beginning of the routine, he was much more agreeable at this point!
- Hold him, rocking gently and singing 2-3 songs. Put him in bed once he starts sucking his fingers.
Before this, our bedtime routine was even shorter.
Baby’s First Bedtime Routine
Our first bed time routine was very, very basic (he was three months, after all!).
- Bath in warm soapy water (like this one)
- Put on diaper and pajamas
- Nurse him to sleep
Everyone and their mother will tell you not to nurse your baby to sleep, but this worked for us for a long, long time. I don’t really remember the transition being that hard, but it did take a few days.
A Naptime Routine
A naptime routine is a huge help in getting your child to take his or her naps! Our routine is very short:
Turn on the fan. Hold him, rocking gently and singing 2-3 songs (now we’re down to one). Put him in bed once he starts sucking his fingers. (He’s mostly grown out of this by now, but I’ve seen him do it a couple times lately.)
Tips for Creating Your Own Bedtime Routine
- Do what works for you. Baths, books and storytelling, songs and night time rituals are good. I had a sister with a deathly fear of monsters; every night my mom sprayed her room with a “monster spray.”
- Make your children comfortable. Every night for years our family prayed for “no needles in the bed, no throw up” to reassure another sister (who really did find a pin in her bed once, prompting the addition to our prayers).
- If possible, put the most distressing task at the beginning of the routine.
- Go slow and talk softly.
- Use dim lights.
- Involve your spouse in the bedtime routine. That way, if you’re ever called away (or out having fun!) at night, he’ll be able to take over with confidence and minimal disruption to the routine.
- Use repetition. If your children are at the age where they want the same book(s) every night, use it to your advantage. We do things in pretty much the same order and sing the same lullaby every night.
- Once I quit nursing Hayden to sleep, I put him down while he was still awake, but obviously on his way to sleeping. By now, I can put him down after one yawn or eye rub and he’ll go to sleep on his own.
- Use a security object. It took months of us giving it to him every nap and night for Hayden to become attached, but now he really loves Marty, his monkey. He almost seems relieved to see him when he knows it’s time for sleep.
Our bedtime routine has helped Hayden go to bed well for almost anyone (Mom, Dad, Aunties and friends) and, I think, eventually helped him to sleep through the night. I can only hope our future children will benefit from our bed time routines, too!
Good luck creating your own bedtime routines!
See also the followup with more bedtime routine tips.
I should probably mention the books that really helped me with establishing a bedtime routine: Good Night, Sleep Tight by Kim West (with Joanne Kenen) and The No-Cry Sleep Solution by Elizabeth Pantley.
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Start ’em young
I saw a study today from the NDP Group about children and technology. It said that:
On average, children begin using electronic devices at approximately 7 years of age with televisions and desktop computers showing the youngest initial exposure (about 4 or 5 years of age), and satellite radios and portable digital media players (PDMP) showing the oldest (about 9 years of age).
‘Round here, we start ’em young. Here’s a video of Hayden when he was six months (ie, during the silent film era):
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I have returned!
I’m back home now! Got in at 4 AM (oy!). A bit of an adventure getting back—there was some concern that I might not have a seat on the second leg of my trip (thanks a ton for canceling my reservation, airline). (And thanks a ton for getting me on the plane anyway.)
Hayden is normally pretty excited to see anyone who comes to get him out of bed in the morning or after a nap. As in squealing, running across his crib, or being so overexcited that he can hardly move.
I had Ryan get him up and bring him in to me (still in bed) as a surprise. When I pulled the sheet off my face, I was expecting ecstatic squeals, back arching and frantic attempts to get out of his dad’s arms.
Instead, Hayden slowly smiled and leaned down for me. Ryan handed him over and I laid Hayden on my chest. He wrapped his arms around my neck and laid his head on my shoulder, stroking my arm. He didn’t say much, but laid there for a couple minutes.
And then he was over it.
He was a little frantic at nap- and bedtime, but we told him that I would be there when he woke up. By all accounts, he was very good for his caregivers while I was gone, but he was very clingy with Marty, his monkey. I didn’t notice him being overly clingy with it today. I anticipate that he’ll take a few days to recover emotionally. It’s good to have my boys back, although it’s really weird to go from hobnobbing with the “searcherati” (ie lots of the top minds in my industry) to playing with a toddler all day long.