I think we all have one: one of those uncles who delights in teasing and tormenting us. Well, with our fabulous family reunion last weekend, that uncle was at my house. Thankfully, the reunion coincided with the worst week for naps in the history of this house (grumpy kids who don’t take naps, won’t go to bed, and wake up two hours earlier than normal + 22 extra family members = fuuuun!)
I put Rebecca back to bed Saturday night after 10. Although she’d gone to sleep fairly quickly (after only 6 or 7 minutes of hysterical screaming) at the church during our family talent show, when we woke her to bring her home, she decided she’d rather stay awake. The two new teeth coming through don’t help. So despite repeated attempts at nursing her to sleep, she screamed for about half an hour.
My uncle who likes to torment me looked at me—probably drawn and exasperated—and says, “We all think you’re a terrible mother.”
And I smiled.
Because that’s exactly what most mothers think when their baby is bawling inconsolably. It’s the kind of recriminating self-talk that most mothers beat themselves up with. If I were a better mother, she wouldn’t be crying.
But to hear that same idea from my uncle, from whom I can’t take anything seriously, who I knew was just teasing me, made me realize just how silly that kind of self-talk sounds.
So thanks, Uncle Paul. I think.
Have you ever heard your own thoughts spoken by someone else—and realized how silly they sounded? How else have you analyzed your self-talk?
6 replies on “Crazy self-talk”
My husband is really good about repeating my crazy self-talk (aka I am fat, I am a bad mom, I’m not good at anything etc. etc.) back to me in a way that makes me realize that I’m being a little loopy. I really love him for keeping me grounded!
When my little person was just a few weeks old, my mom-in-law came to visit for an unfortunate number of days when my husband had to go out of town. We usually have a close relationship but she was driving me up a wall. After one particularly upsetting interaction, I put my kiddo in a sling and went for a walk, wailing to a dear friend on the cellphone about what a miserable, ungrateful person I was. She told me I just won the award for ingratitude and that the prize committee would be right over. It made me laugh and laugh and be able to be a bit more gentle with myself (and I was able to go home and explain what I needed from mom-in-law)
@Alicia—You’re a lucky woman. I usually don’t listen to my husband when he tries to help me 😉 .
@Susan—Talk about your wake up call! I’m glad you were able to resolve the situation, though. I think making expectations and needs clear in any relationship can really help, so I think it’s awesome you got that out of it, too.
Most of the times I try & ignore my self-talk unless it’s something positive.
PS: I have a crazy uncle, too. He once wallered us in the snow. I was age 10 and didn’t have a clue until he had me face down in the snow, mashing it in my face. And laughing. It’s taken me 20+ more years to laugh about it. Some uncles are just that — crazy. 😉
I tired of making myself look ridiculous when trying to share my self-talk thoughts. To save face, I’ve started writing stuff down before I go to someone else with it. If I can read it back without rolling my eyes at my ridiculousness then I share. Most of the time reading it back is all that I need:)
Hi Jordan – I share this post with Paul. He was touched. But I think you knew that already.