Dear PR people

Dearest PR people spammers,

Or should I just open with “Hi,” since that’s how you usually address me, no name, no reference to my website, no indication you have any idea who I am or that you even actually meant to email me?

I know you think Mother’s day is a great time to celebrate motherhood. I do, too. But I don’t consider telling my readers (mostly moms) how to buy gifts for Mother’s day “celebrating motherhood.”

Maybe celebrating commercialism.

No, I will not cut-and-paste your press release onto my blog. No, I will not be telling my readers how they can spend $600 on a purse to show the mother in their lives how truly special she is. (It won’t work.) No, I will not promote your overpriced, completely-unrelated-to-motherhood-in-any-way-shape-or-form crap.

I know you’ll never read this, since I know I don’t have a name or a face to you and that you’ve never bothered to even look at my blog except to harvest my email address and pretend like your commercial email is solicited.

(The government has, like, laws about all that, you know. And I report you.)

But just as a reminder—seriously. I’m reporting you to the government.

If you happen to have a product that might actually help moms feel better about themselves (or just feel better), and you’d like to send me a sample or sponsor a giveaway, then I’m ready to listen.

Until then, stop spamming me.

No love,
Jordan

Sad, sad screenshot by Matthew Maber