Though usually we talk about mothers and motherhood around here, I was asked to speak in church today. Some of my talk came from some previous Father’s day posts: Making Father’s Day Merry (Fabulous?), Dads are responsible (and important!) and Dads are capable.
And here are my other thoughts from today:
Children in today’s world need all the help they can get. Studies have shown that one family factor is strongly correlated with:
- Not getting straight A’s
- Repeating a grade
- Dropping out of school
- Obesity
- higher delinquency and aggression test scores
- Abuse or neglect, emotional or physical
- poverty
- Drinking alcohol and smoking tobacco
- significantly more illicit drug use
- Teen pregnancy
What was the one factor correlated with all of these circumstances? Not having a father in the home. (Statistics http://www.fatherhood.org)
It’s no wonder that Heavenly Father intended families to have two parents—because that’s how they function best. In the Proclamation to the World on the Family, we read:
By divine design, fathers are to preside over their families in love and righteousness and are responsible to provide the necessities of life and protection for their families. Mothers are primarily responsible for the nurture of their children. In these sacred responsibilities, fathers and mothers are obligated to help one another as equal partners. Disability, death, or other circumstances may necessitate individual adaptation.
Dads belong in the family. It’s the ideal situation, and even if not all of us can enjoy the ideal, it’s important to recognize and honor fathers, especially today. It’s easy to find fault with fathers—and the media is a big help there. But for all the negative attention that dads get, I know that there are lots of fathers out there stepping up and doing a great job.
How can we honor the fathers in our lives?
- We can pray for them.
- We can get to know them.
- We can honor them, obeying and listening to them.
- We can forgive them.
- We can love them.
Fathers may not realize their influence. But at least in my house, I can see it every day. This week alone, two of my sisters and I have talked about how things as little as phrases our father uses stay with us. Last week, Rachel heard the door open and she couldn’t see who had come in. “Da!” she shouted “Da! Da!” She does the same when she sees her father on the stand during Sacrament Meeting.
Rebecca’s favorite role to play is Buzz Lightyear. We were assigning roles to the rest of the family, and I asked if Daddy should be Zurg (sorry if I just spoiled the twist in Toy Story 2 for you). No, Rebecca reasoned, Daddy should be Andy because he’s nice.
But my favorite story is from Hayden: you ask him what he wants to be when he grows up, and his first (and often only) answer is “A father.” (And yes, “father,” not “dad or “daddy.”)
In the April 1999 General Conference [of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints], Elder Jeffrey R. Holland gave a talk called “The Hands of the Fathers,” where he relayed several stories of real fathers doing their best to fulfill that divine appointment, and the impact that they had in the eyes and lives of their children.
Three such stories:
A young Laurel I met on a conference assignment not long ago wrote to me after our visit and said, “I wish my dad knew how much I need him spiritually and emotionally. I crave any kind comment, any warm personal gesture. I don’t think he knows how much it would mean to me to have him take an active interest in what is going on in my life, to offer to give me a blessing, or just spend some time together. I know he worries that he won’t do the right thing or won’t say the words well. But just to have him try would mean more than he could ever know. I don’t want to sound ungrateful because I know he loves me. He sent me a note once and signed it ‘Love, Dad.’ I treasure that note. I hold it among my dearest possessions.”
“Much in my chaotic childhood was uncertain, but one thing I knew for sure: that my dad loved me. That certainty was the anchor of my young life. I came to know and love the Lord because my father loved him. I have never called anyone a fool or taken the Lord’s name in vain because he told me the Bible said I shouldn’t. I have always paid my tithing because he taught me it was a privilege to do so. I have always tried to take responsibility for my mistakes because my father did. Even though he was estranged from the Church for a [time], at the end of his life he served a mission and worked faithfully in the temple. In his will he said that any money left over from taking care of his [family] should go to the Church. He loved the Church with all of his heart. And because of him, so do I.”
“Often as I watch my son watch me, I am taken back to moments with my own dad, remembering how vividly I wanted to be just like him. I remember having a plastic razor and my own can of foaming cream, and each morning I would shave when he shaved. I remember following his footsteps back and forth across the grass as he mowed the lawn in summer.
“Now I want my son to follow my lead, and yet it terrifies me to know he probably will. Holding this little boy in my arms, I feel a ‘heavenly homesickness,’ a longing to love the way God loves, to comfort the way He comforts, to protect the way He protects. The answer to all the fears of my youth was always ‘What would Dad do?’ Now that I have a child to raise I am counting on a Heavenly Father to tell me exactly that.”
The responsibilities of fatherhood can be heavy. The Proclamation later states: “Husbands and wives—mothers and fathers—will be held accountable before God for the discharge of [our family] obligations.”
Just like mothers, fathers may feel inadequate to these responsibilities at times, but as Elder L. Tom Perry has pointed out, “It is not a matter of whether you are most worthy or best qualified, but it is a matter of [divine] appointment.”
I conclude with one more thought from Elder Holland’s talk:
And, brethren, even when we are not “the best of men,” even in our limitations and inadequacy, we can keep making our way in the right direction because of the encouraging teachings set forth by a Divine Father and demonstrated by a Divine Son. With a Heavenly Father’s help we can leave more of a parental legacy than we suppose.
I testify that when we do all that we can as parents, trusting in and relying on the Lord for guidance and sustenance, Jesus Christ will justify and sanctify our efforts. He can make us more than we are as fathers, mothers and people, and He can make our children and our families whole. Fathers matter. Temple covenants can bind our families together forever. The priesthood is real. In the name of Jesus Christ, amen.