There are many reasons, I’m sure, that people are generally very kind to visibly pregnant women. People without children, I think, make concessions for someone who appears to be in obvious physical discomfort. People with children, on the other hand, accommodate pregnant women out of pity or compassion—they know what’s coming.
When I was pregnant with Hayden, I never felt too bad for making Ryan stand in lines for me or taking an offered seat. I never really got that big with Hayden, but it did seem like people—even strangers—went out of their way to make sure that I was comfortable and they’d done everything they could for me.
Less than two weeks after Hayden was born, my mom gave Ryan and me our first night out. It was Valentine’s Day. I was still very much recovering from childbirth and the sleepless nights that followed. I was still wearing maternity clothes, though if I could pass for pregnant it would have probably been in the “is she or isn’t she?” phase. And of course, I was lactating.
We went to a self-service restaurant. I told Ryan what I wanted and went to claim a table. I looked around at the people in the restaurant. No one looked back. No one cast a compassionate, knowing smile in my direction.
I suppose I’d become spoiled, even though now, I’m sure that most of the nice things that people did for me weren’t out of the ordinary. But as I sat there, worried about leaking milk, the bags under my eyes and having the energy to make it through the evening, I wanted to stand on the table and scream, “Look at me! Be nice to me!! I JUST HAD A BABY!!!”
When you’re pregnant, everyone knows it. You’re in hormonal overload and everyone seems to care about you, your baby, your welfare. You lose the belly, though, and you’re just another face in the crowd.
I decided that night that I do want a badge. It doesn’t necessarily have to say, “DANGER: HORMONAL LACTATING MOTHER” (though that might be most useful for people around me!). I’d be okay with something more understated like “New mother; please handle with care.”
11 replies on “I do want a badge”
I so enjoy the positive attention I get when pregnant. People opening doors, neighbors lovingly scolding me for lugging too many grocery bags into the apartment, smiles from strangers and more. I’m still getting that attention with the baby though. But I live in a city where you just don’t see too many babies or kids. Friendly smiles, people turning to see the little baby in the car seat , ooohs and awww’s and questions about her. She’ll be out of babyhood before I know it and that’s when the attention will stop. So I’m basking in it while it lasts.
Ha, Ha! I’m with you! I think more compassion is warranted after pregnancy than before : )
How about “New Mother – Cross At Your Own Risk!”
I can very much relate, although I must add that whenever I carried the newborn around –in my arms or in his little sling– about 90% of the warm and compassionate looks came back. Babywearing: do it for the attention-whoring 😉
Amen, but don’t let it stop there. I think ALL mothers of kids need a badge to wear.
What I found odd was people touching my belly though. They’d never try it without a baby inside but something about it protruding means that it’s suddenly public property I guess 🙂
I know what you mean! They also aren’t as nice when it’s your second or more baby. I have had people be helpful though when they see me struggling with two babies (4 months and 20 months)
Hehehe! I’m cracking up over this post because I’m preggo! I wrote a post about “Pregnancy and Stranger Comments” on friday. People keep mistaking my pregnancy for fatness, twins, you name it. It’s crazy! But people do seems to be nicer to pregnant women for some reason.
If they make badges like that I need one. I’ll wear it with my “You don’t scare me, I have a 3 year old” badge. I miss the way people are nice when you’re pregnant.
Great post!
It’s time to design that very patch. Do you know any designers? We moms at least deserve an honorary t-shirt.