It’s no secret that motherhood is a thankless work. We work until we’ve worn ourselves out, and then we work some more. And, it seems, most of the time, we receive next to no “thank you”—not even a little acknowledgment.
Sometimes, it also seems that we’re expected to accept this. Mothers must know how much they’re loved and valued, the logic seems to go. I mean, don’t we tell them every year?
While we do need to strive to be well-adjusted adults, we can turn to others around us to help us feel better about our work—and not just by petulantly demanding recognition of every sock we’ve washed:
Elder Neal A. Maxwell suggested that one of the ways we can manage our own vexing feelings of inadequacy is to “add to each other’s storehouse of self-esteem by giving deserved, specific commendation more often. We should remember, too, that those who are breathless from going the second mile need deserved praise just as the fallen need to be lifted up.” (from Notwithstanding My Weakness p 10, via When Times are Tough by John Bytheway, p 76).
Isn’t it great when the solution to the problem we’re facing is to give what we need most to someone else? Not many things work that way, but a kind word is one of them.
What would you like to be praised for?
Photo by Todd Jordan
2 replies on “What do you find encouraging?”
Eric does a great job of acknowledging my ‘accomplishments’ from the day. Sometimes I have to point them out, then he’ll acknowledge, but at least he is sincere in his appreciation. I LOVE to receive notes. Lil thank yous or whatever, especially if they are specific rather than generic. You know, not a “I really love how great a mother you are” but a “I really love how you take time to read Cat in the Hat a million times even though you are tired” or something like that. You know. The days where you doubt whether your contribution really means anything because you really didn’t DO anything significant. It helps to know that those small things get NOTICED. Takes the pressure off on those days when ONLY small things get done.
For getting out of bed every morning before anyone should have to. For making dinner when I just want to crash on the couch. For not yelling when I’m asked the same question 50 times and the boys aren’t listening to my response. For going and going when everyone is sick (including me) because someone has to but I really wish it wasn’t me.
I struggle with this a bit. I want the praise, but really…do I deserve it? After all, I’m doing this because it’s the best possible thing for me to do. Why should anyone praise me for fulfilling my responsibility? It’s nice to have my efforts recognized, but I shouldn’t long for it. So I’m trying not to…without the success I’d like;) Hope that makes sense; it’s hard to convey completely:(