For some—motherhood means raising your children and being the best you can be so that you know your child will grow up to make you proud. That is what society has pumped into the meaning of motherhood. And yes, that’s exactly what us moms want, but there are other things too . . .
What Do We Really Want as Moms?
Several things—to begin with, wonderful children that help bring meaning to our lives. Secondly, recognition for being able to tackle the impossible—being a mom isn’t easy but it certainly is rewarding. Thirdly, we want the occasional break, the chance to get away and be us again—that person we once knew minus the baby spit, uncombed hair, frazzled features and non-maimed outfit. Fourthly, we want to know our children were raised right, fed right, loved right, taught right and above all—grew up right—to be wonderful people, citizens, moms & dads, and husbands & wives. Right?
Children Bring Meaning to our Lives.
There is always a time where we get frustrated and maybe resent being a mom. And then, there are those times when something fantastic happens and we wouldn’t imagine being anything other than a mom. The latter scenario happens more often than the first because being a mom is fun and rewarding and without having little Jimmy throw Cheerios in your hair, what is life about? My uncle used to always tell me, “Grow up, get an education, find a wonderful man and have children because without children, there is no meaning to life.” I don’t necessarily thing the last part of his lecture is true; many people find meaning in life without children but those of us who have them know . . . there’s no going back and that’s they way we want it.
Let us be Recognized!
After carrying them for nine months in our womb, breast feeding, nursing, consistent coddling, diaper changes and every other task that doesn’t necessarily stop when they turn 18, we’d like some recognition. And if they’re not old enough to drive, bike or shop—then we’d like something handmade and crafty or even just a hug to make our day. We’d like our childless friends to know how much we sacrifice and we’d especially like our children’s fathers to know and say thanks with some occasional flowers, a night off or even a night out (with a spit-free outfit).
Let us be Free!
Yes, that occasional night out (spit-free outfit included) is exactly what we need, especially when our children are always in. There was a time, and it is a distant, distant memory, when we didn’t have deadlines, PTA meetings, exams, appointments, cleanings, doctor visits, swimming lessons, baseball practice, piano lessons, birthday parties and it never stops . . . anyways, before all of this we had us, just that one person we had to worry about. We wouldn’t change it—we love being moms—but sometimes having a night out to relax and maybe briefly forget about everything, is always rejuvenating and much deserving. Of course, if you’re anything like me—three seconds out of the house and I’m attached to my phone in case the babysitter calls and Jimmy fell down or isn’t able to sleep. Sometimes it seems more like a punishment to make yourself leave and be a person again and not just a mommy; that punishment is always so rewarding when you come home.
Then there is always the “old friends” who decided not to procreate and always have free time to hang out and party—why do they always wonder why you don’t? Because you have a life, you say to yourself and then quickly realize they do too; they just decided to live a different one from yours. And just when you’re ready to envy them and beg for freedom, you realize that kind of life isn’t what you want . . . or maybe it is . . . one night a month.
The Moment of Truth.
There it is . . . all out on the table. You’ve done the raising, the disciplining, the crying, the laughing, the cooking, the teaching, the cleaning, the pep talk, the inspiring and the raising . . . and now, it’s time to see how they turn out. Oh boy! This is always the tough one. Has your skills as a mother been enough and what happens if Jimmy doesn’t go to college, then med school, then maybe Harvard just for fun, get married and have children? Does that mean you fail? What if Jimmy goes off, explores the world, finds inspiration in drawing and opens an art studio in New York (maybe Newark)? Did you do your job as a parent? This is the scariest question for me. Have I done enough to be a good parent? And what does Jimmy have to do in life for me to know I’ve succeeded as a good mom?
The Answer?
Nothing. Jimmy doesn’t have to do anything for me to know I’ve succeeded. His success is now up to him and defined by himself. If he wants to be a musician, then he’s a success because that is what he wants to do. A doctor—even better—as long as he wants to do it. I firmly believe that the lessons and skills we pass on to our children will mold them for the rest of their lives but we ourselves, will never be able to mold them into their lives.
About the author
Maria Rainier is a freelance writer and blog junkie. She is currently a resident blogger at First in Education where she’s been researching both the highest paying jobs and the lowest paying jobs on the market. In her spare time, she enjoys square-foot gardening, swimming, and avoiding her laptop.