By Jennifer Eyre White
Awhile back I was doing some research on the importance of sleep–which frankly, as a mother of three, amounts to self-preaching to the choir– and I came across this horrifying little factoid: new babies cause their parents to lose 400-750 hours of sleep in the first year alone. 400-750 hours — whoa. That’s a lot of hours.
My initial reaction was, how does our freakin’ species survive? I mean, if you’re constantly up at night with a fussy baby, you yourself could end up being that child’s worst choking hazard. (Ha ha! I’m joking here! Mostly.) Not to mention the fact that being sleep-deprived messes with your judgment, your health, and your memory, none of which is a plus for your parenting skills.
As if that weren’t disturbing enough, a new study suggests that when you’re sleep-deprived (if you’re a rat, at least), portions of your brain actually shut down even when the rest of you is awake. You think you’re fully functional, but no, you’re actually a zombie. (If you have kids I bet you’re nodding your head right now and thinking, “Yup, that explains a lot. I really need to get the **** more sleep.”)
I’m puzzled about why human babies are so hard on their parents; being constantly sleep-deprived by our young doesn’t seem to me to be an evolutionary advantage. (There have also been times–three times in particular–where the process of human childbirth has struck me as severely suboptimal.) If we were living in a historic period where we had to survive by our wits, most of today’s parents would be toast. We’d be less likely to take down a wooly mammoth, for example, and more likely to find ourselves oozing up between its toes. Luckily, in the modern world we don’t need to be that alert. Mostly we’re just doing stuff like typing on computers, checking our email, operating heavy machinery, driving… oh, wait.
Did I mention the study that suggests that being even moderately sleep deprived is like having a blood alcohol level of 0.05%? It’s ironic that parents spend so much time choosing safe cars and highly-rated car seats, and then essentially drive around impaired. It’s just not good to drive when you’re exhausted. You have the situational awareness of a cantaloupe.
Somehow, the very kids we’re trying to protect are making it harder for us to do so. Perhaps something has gone horribly wrong in either our species or our child-rearing strategies, I don’t know . I do know that, for our safety and sanity, today’s parents need to get more sleep. Sleep must be placed in the same category as eating and peeing: non-negotiable. If you can’t get enough at night–and I’m betting many of you can’t–then it’s good to get a little during the day. (OK, you can stop saying “That’s what SHE said” and snickering.)
The problem is that this is easier said than done, especially when you’re a new parent. For example, no matter what anyone says, you can’t necessarily “nap when the baby naps,” because babies have apparently evolved to prefer napping when their parents are awake. If you do manage to surreptitiously fall asleep when your baby is napping and he doesn’t promptly wake up, you can be certain that FedEx will choose this moment to deliver a package or someone will fire up a leafblower outside your window. Modern life is rife with interruptions and noise.
There’s also the fact that the whole nap-when-the-baby-naps strategy falls apart if you also have older kids to take care of. While you and your baby are enjoying the miracle of REM, the older children will be experimenting with the Cuisinart or licking the wall outlets.
Clearly, achieving a nap can be a tricky proposition. If you’re able to hire a babysitter for an hour or two so that you can nap, do it. Or swap naptimes with a friend. If your kids are a little older, let them watch TV while you sleep. I know, I know, TV is evil and you vowed to curb it mightily–but maybe you’ll let yourself off the hook if you remember that your napping makes them safer. If you’re at work you’re probably hosed, but maybe you have the kind of job where you can put your head down for half an hour and no-one will notice (note to air traffic controllers: someone will notice). And if you’re tired but can’t possibly find a way to nap, I’m so sorry. I know how much that sucks.
Whether you have a new baby or are still trying to drag yourself out of the sleep-deficit hole left by earlier babies, take naps whenever possible and start making up some of those lost hours. There’s almost nothing else you could do in a half hour a day that would be better for your parenting, your safety, or your sanity. In today’s world, it may even be a biological imperative.
About the author
Jennifer Eyre White is the author of The Practical Napper: Tips, Facts, and Quotes for the Avidly Recumbent, a wee little gift book written for those who believe the phrase “good nap” is redundant. You can find her online at www.ThePracticalNapper.com and www.HavingThreeKids.com.