motherhood lessons – MamaBlogga

By Danyelle Ferguson

Motherhood is a peculiar journey. We never know what our children will be like, what their future holds, nor how it will change our path in life.

I certainly never expected to have a child with mental disabilities. The last nine years have been filled with experiences I would never imagined could be a part of motherhood. But along with the frustrations and stress, there were many joyful moments of success and pride. There are a few lessons I’ve learned during this crazy journey called motherhood.

Love Yourself

The most important criteria of being a good mom is loving yourself. We give so much of our time and energy to our children that it’s easy to get burned out. Don’t be afraid to take time for a girls night out, a long soak in a hot, bubbly bath, or just some quiet time in your car with a drink and book. Whatever relaxes you or makes you happy, find a way to squeeze it in. I’ve had to pick and choose which hobbies or talents to make time for over the years.

For many years, I went once a month to a weekend scrapbooking event. Then my focus changed to writing, so I figured out some time during the week that I could take a few hours to go to a bookstore and write without munchkins pulling on me. If you take the time to decompress from the everyday routine of being a mama, then you will be a much happier person, mother, and wife.

Cross Perfection Off Your List

I used to get so discouraged after visiting a friends whose homes were always spotless. I felt like such a failure that I couldn’t keep up with all my mommy duties and housework like these other women I looked up to. But then, my Relief Society president gave a lesson one Sunday and told us that we needed to cross perfection off our lists. Our Savior Jesus Christ is the only perfect being who ever lived on Earth. While we need to strive to keep the commandments and be good Christian women, having a spotless house, perfect highlights & nails, or the kids with the best grades are not things are not requirements to get into Heaven.

It’s perfectly fine to have mountains of laundry to wade through, toys strewn across your house, and be in desperate need of a haircut. In fact, its absolutely normal! In the last four years, I’ve rearranged my housework. Every Saturday, our family works together to clean the house. Everything gets picked up, vacuumed, and scrubbed. Then during the week, I try to do one or two loads of laundry each day—taking the weekends off. My laundry baskets are never empty and the weekend is the only time my house isn’t cluttered with toys, but I have so much less stress because I’ve accepted that our house isn’t perfect. It’s lived in and the family living there is happy and loved.

Laugh Often

Be quick to laugh, rather than get upset. This is actually difficult for me and I am constantly working on it. But our family is definitely happier when mom’s not a crank. 🙂 Looking back at some of the most stressful mommy moments, I can see that when my hubby cracked jokes and made me laugh, I relaxed enough to think things through better. And my shoulders weren’t constantly tied up with tension knots. Shared laughter is something the whole family will remember forever.

One of my favorite quotes is “Live, Laugh, Love.”

Remember to live your life rather than be focused on perfection, share laughter with your family, and love yourself so you can give the best of yourself to your family.

About the Author
Danyelle Ferguson is the mother of four angels-in-training and the author of (dis)Abilities and the Gospel. You can find out more about her on her website: www.DanyelleFerguson.com or on her blog: www.QueenOfTheClan.com.

Photo of girl hugging herself by Evan Long

Thoughts on motherhood–from people other than me

Surprisingly enough, I’m not the only person out there thinking deep thoughts/wallowing in existential angst about motherhood. I come across blog posts that really inspire me or challenge my way of thinking about motherhood, I bookmark them to blog about later and . . . I forget. So, today I’m catching up on some of these great posts, with excerpts to show you some of the reasons I bookmarked them in the first place.

Stress and fear from Conversion Diary:

I am very likely to get in a mental state where I just give in to anxiety and stress and self-pity and all sorts of other negative emotions — not because I have actually been given more than I can handle, but because I because I see a long day and a longer week stretching before me, and unless something changes I’ll reach some kind breaking point and I will have more than I can handle. In other words, I’m afraid.

Why my life is better since becoming open to life also from Conversion Diary

A product of secular society, I’d fallen into the common notion that the way to find true happiness is to focus on yourself more and other people less. It makes perfect sense, after all: doing pleasurable things for me is fun, sacrifice and hard work are not fun; ergo, the secret to happiness must be to live for myself as much as possible. Right?

How shocked I was to discover that I was wrong — dead wrong. Part of fully understanding the concept of vocation was understanding that a vocation is not to be thought of as “what you do” as much as it is “whom you serve.”

Beyond Mommy: Knowing Who I Am by the fantastic Annette Lyon on Blog Segullah

Laura made it clear in no uncertain terms that once you had kids, wanting to be anything but their mother was selfish, wrong. She was thirty years my senior, a mother of ten. I was an 18-year-old college freshman. What did I know about motherhood and womanhood?

Maybe I was off my rocker. Maybe losing yourself was something good mothers did.

I struggled with the issue even after becoming a mom. I’d carved out a “me” area but worried it made me an inferior mother. . . .

Joy in the Journey from a member of Jane’s ward on What About Mom

I remember one particular time when I just HAD to clean out the refrigerator. My then three-year-old son was lonely because his sister was in school. He kept whining and bugging me to pick him up. I resisted and ended up getting angry at him and making him go take a nap, because I had an “important” job to do. Now I realize that HE was my important job. That certainly is not the only incident I could relate. I DO feel those pangs of guilt and remorse for not making Tyler the most important chore of the day.

Lessons Learned from The Country Bunny and the Little Gold Shoes by Scribbit

Moms have dreams too and not only is it okay to have interests outside of your children it’s a healthy thing that usually makes you a better mom if you don’t let it take over your real job.

Motherhood takes amazing skill to be done properly but it can be done.

Motherhood, while eternal, won’t always require the same things of me as it does now–it will change as I do.

There are plenty of people who value motherhood so don’t undersell your talents or abilities or think you’re alone.

Women can do most things just as well as men though usually in their own unique way.

These excerpts are only the beginning of the wisdom about motherhood these wonderful women have imparted, so be sure to check them all out!

What are your favorite posts about motherhood, from this list or from anywhere on the Internet?