Categories
Fulfillment Faith

Mother’s Day: do you measure up?

(Hint: the answer is probably YES!)

In our church, we have members of the congregation testify and preach to us each week. The leadership of the congregation gives the speakers their topics in advance. These assignments are often a little terrifying (unless you’re a member of my family, I guess), but today of all days, the assignment to speak can be fraught with peril. I know because I have spoken on Mother’s Day FIVE times (you can read the last time here).

It seems there’s just no good way to address everyone in the congregation on this day. The emphasis on motherhood can break the hearts of the childless. Those who did not have a good relationship with their mothers are reminded of their open wounds. And often extolling the virtues of mothers only succeeds in reminding the mothers in the congregation how short they fall of that standard of perfection.

(Forgoing talks on the subject altogether is a special kind of sin in my opinion, and quite possibly the most offensive alternative.)

This year, our leadership was inspired as the made the assignments. Not only were our speakers very good, but the article they were given as a subject was absolutely perfect. The article, “Look Up” by Elder Carl B. Cook, appeared in the January 2012 Ensign magazine.

In the article, Elder Cook talks about when he was called to serve as a missionary to Germany. Missionary calls in our church are different from those in many other churches: the leadership of the church decides where each worthy applicant is assigned for his/her/their service. So Elder Cook didn’t pick Germany out of any great love for the people or the language; someone he’d never met was guided by the Lord to assign him to Germany.

At the beginning of his two-year mission, Elder Cook attended the Language Training Mission (now replaced by the Missionary Training Center) to learn German. Many missionaries are blessed with the gift of tongues as they learn their mission languages—but some, like Elder Cook, are not. He struggled with German and felt he was falling further and further behind his classmates. Finally, one day, he sought the Lord in desperate prayer for help to learn the language. Says Elder Cook (with my emphasis):

The Lord answered that prayer. I felt this thought come into my mind: “I never called you to master the German language. I just called you to serve with all of your heart, mind, and strength.

Sometimes, as mothers, we feel we’re called to raise perfect children—and they have to be perfect by the time they’re 5. It’s so easy for us to look at other families and how well behaved their children are, or how well they get along, or how well they dress, even, and feel like we’re falling short.

But that’s a deep, deep mistake. As mothers, we’re called to build our children into good people, and that will be the effort of our lifetimes. We have a lot to teach them, but every child learns at his or her own pace. As long as we strive to love and teach our children with all of our efforts, we are doing enough.

Elder Cook continues (emphasis mine):

I immediately thought, “I can do that. I can serve with all of my heart, mind, and strength. If that’s what the Lord has called me to do, I can do that.” I stood up feeling tremendously relieved.

From that point on, my measuring stick changed. I no longer gauged my progress and success against that of my companion or other members of my district. Instead, I focused on how the Lord felt I was doing. Instead of looking to the side to compare myself to others, I began to look up, so to speak, to know what He thought of my efforts.

I don’t know that I learned the language much faster or much better from that point on, but I no longer felt the concerns I once had. I knew what the Lord wanted me to do, and it was in my power to do it.

And that’s a message anybody can learn from—and love.

Happy Mother’s Day!

Photo by Tatsuo Iwata

Categories
Faith Fulfillment

May is for mothers!

It’s May (already!) and Mother’s Day is fast approaching. For so many mothers, what is supposed to be a celebration of all that we do for our families has become a dreaded occasion. Maybe we don’t hate Mother’s Day, just the maudlin commercialism that’s associated with it. Or maybe it’s that we look forward to this day where our children are kind and loving and appreciative, but we wake up that morning and they’re just the same kids as yesterday. Or maybe it’s that we have “issues” with our own mothers. Or maybe it’s that we have to confront that we’re not the moms we wished we were.

No matter what the reason, I think it doesn’t have to be that way. We can redefine our expectations. Maybe instead of a day we expect our family to be perfect and treat us like a queen, we can strive for a day where we reflect on the things we’ve learned about motherhood, or the things we love about motherhood—or even just the things we love about our children.

On that note, I asked a few friends to post about lessons they’ve learned from motherhood. Their posts have already touched my heart and I hope they will yours, too.

So please read and comment on this week’s guest posts—and think about what you need to do to make Mother’s Day merry!

Categories
Fulfillment

What do you want for Mother’s Day?

I don’t know what I want. Or I don’t know what I want that I can actually get as a gift.

I’ll settle for chocolate.

What do you want? How do you celebrate Mother’s Day?

Photo by Annette Pedrosian

Categories
Fulfillment Faith

Happy Mother’s Day

This was originally posted last year for Mother’s Day. I hope you all had a wonderful Mother’s day filled with relaxation and appreciation!

Happy Mother’s Day! I got beautiful flowers that I loved, delicious chocolates and breakfast, dinner and dessert made for me.

I hope all of your Mother’s days have been good; feel free to share how your family celebrated!

Here is the talk I’m giving today in church. (Guess how long it took me to say all this, plus a little extra I added as I spoke.)


I’ve come to develop a deep testimony about motherhood since I’ve become a mother. I don’t want the nonmothers in the congregation to feel left out because they haven’t had this blessing in their lives—or because they’re men. I believe that anyone who nurtures another person is in some way a parent. Sheri Dew, a former member of the Relief Society General Presidency, gave a talk entitled “Are We Not All Mothers?” in General Relief Society Meeting in September 2001. In it, she stated that “we each have the responsibility to love and help lead the rising generation.” Although Sister Dew has not been blessed with children in this life, she has nurtured many people personally through her extended family and church service. To be a mother is to give of yourself.

And to be a mother is hard. I had no idea how hard it would be before I had Hayden. I don’t remember receiving that warning from anyone. On the other hand, I had some idea how difficult it would be to be a mother in today’s society.

Categories
Fulfillment

How to express gratitude to a mother

Three times last night, I heard the hosts on various shows bid all the mothers a happy Mother’s Day. More than once, they assured me, “We appreciate all that you do.” Only one of the people who expressed Mother’s Day wishes was a mother herself, though many, if not all of the men were fathers.

And each time, it grated on my nerves more and more. Finally, the third time, I’d had it (it was also after midnight…). I turned to the television and shouted, “No you don’t! You don’t have any idea what we do!”

smaller making mothers day merry badgeIf you’re still pondering what special things to say to your mother or wife (or baby mama) for Mother’s Day, here’s a little hint: don’t say that you’re grateful for all that we do. Even if you really, truly are grateful for absolutely everything that we do, leaving it at that makes us (or me, at least) feel as though you have no concept of what we do, and no real desire to find out.

Instead, pick a few specific things to mention. They could be thankless tasks that you know your wife/mother/babymama does (diapers, dishes, maintaining a well-run house, enforcing the rules, etc.); it could be a favorite family memory (especially effective if you know that your wife/mother/babymama put a lot of time and effort into creating that memory, but it works either way).

By speaking in specifics, the underlying message is that you notice what we do. Generalities are nice, but they’re just that—general. By mentioning a couple things to focus on, hopefully your wife/mother/babymama will understand that you see the hard, thankless work that is part and parcel with motherhood—and that you appreciate that.

Just a thought.