Tag: mothers-matter

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Fulfillment Faith

Guest post: Fear and Faith

by Lindsey

Heavenly Father has been trying to teach me a lesson for at least the past eighteen months.

So often I get bogged down in the coulda-woulda-shouldas. I agonize in my evening prayers and while trying to fall asleep over the ways I failed during the day. I fear where life is headed for my children because of my failures.

I wish I could say that at least the fear drives me to improve and be a better mother.

But it doesn’t. Fear is not a truly motivating force and it never will be.

It ends up being nothing more than a despair and distraction. A tool I polish nicely and hand over to that Satan jerk to use against me, and thus my family.

God has been reminding me, in his ever patient grace and mercy, that that is not what he wants for me. That he isn’t condemning me. That he sees progress and I just need to keep moving forward.

In essence, this is a massive battle between faith and fear. And I think that is a battle that many mothers face. But we don’t have to lose!

I’ve received some positive feedback this last week that I sorely needed as I was beginning to focus on all the poor behaviors of my sons and so my competence as a mother; giving in again to that fear.

A visiting teacher and sister-in-law, on back to back days, remarked that my boys are great at listening to me. I had been so focused on the times they don’t listen that I was completely missing all the times that they did.

The very next day my oldest son received a card in the mail from the teacher who led a two year study he just completed being a part of. It was so sweet. Her card made it clear that despite the many students she had, she still knew my son and loved him. She remarked on his eager attitude to learn, his enthusiasm, his politeness; it wasn’t even written to me, yet it really lifted me and once again reset my perspective.

I am so grateful for the reminders that Heavenly Father sends to me through other people to change my perspective from one of fear to one of faith; to really look at my sons.

Yes my boys ignore me sometimes, yes they can be mean to each other and to me, and yes we have improvements to make. But when I stop focusing on those things and really look at my children I see such purity, promise, and innocence.

And while much of who they are was there before they came to me, it is evident that my nurturing and influence as a mother have taken some effect. Some I’m embarrassed to own, but many things that I can be proud of:

They say “thank you,” regularly. They will say, “I love you,” and “I’m sorry,” without being told. They help each other. They cry at bedtime if we haven’t read scriptures or said prayers or brushed teeth. They repeat to strangers the things that I’ve taught them when I wasn’t sure they were listening.

My sons have strong, good hearts. They have what seems to be an infinite capacity for love and forgiveness. They are good, amazing boys.

I need not fear to be their mother. We can get through this together.

This scripture helps me: “God hath not given us the spirit of fear; but of power, and of love, and of a sound mind” (2 Timothy 1:7).

This is the lesson that God is teaching me. On an intellectual level, I think I got it. But how to learn it on a deeper, spiritual level so that it becomes part of my life and I can eliminate that fear…How have you done it? How do you keep your faith that you are a capable, trusted mother strong against the fear that you can’t do it? What keeps your faith strong between the reminders and positive feedback?

About the author
Lindsey is a twenty-something year old mother of three awesome boys, married to their incredible father. As a happily married, young, Christian, stay at home mom, she’s proud to be among a very rare, very small group of women. Read her musings from that minority, or participate in There was a moment….

Photo by JJ

Categories
Fulfillment

Why Moms Matter on Blog Talk Radio

We’ve been talking about how mothers are important ’round here, and we’re not the only ones. This month, Blog Talk Radio started a new show called Why Moms Matter. As soon as I heard about this show, I had to jump on the chance to get to know more about it (and promptly lose the email several times in spam filters and the haze that is sometimes motherhood!). Danielle Smith, one of the hosts, answered my questions and told me a little more about why they feel moms really do matter:

Why DO moms matter?

Moms matter because they are the soul of their families. They almost always put everyone else first and are willing to take the burnt piece of chicken, the smallest piece of cake, and the least comfy blanket. The forfeit their time, their energy, their sleep for the good of their family. And they do it willingly—not to be a martyr. Every day, Moms do a million ‘ordinary’ things that combine to make them the ‘extraordinary’ people we know and love.

What’s the hardest part for you in convincing individual moms that they matter?

The biggest challenge—moms don’t see anything ‘special’ or ‘unique’ in what they do daily. They certainly know they love their families and they know they would do anything for them, but it is hard to see those traits as ‘extraordinary.’ Most moms feel that they do their job, with love, but recognition makes them slightly embarrassed.

How can mothers support one another and show or remind each other that we all matter?

In the most simple ways—tell them! Or hold a door open for a mom you see struggling with a stroller, smile with understanding at a mom struggling to calm a rowdy 2 year old at the grocery store, offer words of advice and encouragement. You would be amazed how far a ‘I completely understand what you are going through’ will go.

How can fathers & others support moms and show that they know moms matter?

In much the same way mothers support each other. Words of encouragement are priceless. Being married to a man who appreciates the sacrifices you make, the bottoms you wipe, the noses you blow, the Dora you endure—that is priceless.

Sounds like they know what they’re talking about, eh? The new Blog Talk Radio show Why Moms Matter strives to give us moms more of the recognition and love we deserve. The show also highlights an ordinary mom with an extraordinary story every week (with profiles of these moms also available on ExtraordinaryMommy and WhyMomsMatter.com). To nominate a mom (“mominate”?), visit MomFaves.

Hosted by Danielle and Josh and Rebecca Unfried, Why Moms Matter airs Fridays at 12:30 Pacific on Blog Talk Radio. Tune in for the encouragement and support we all need (and be sure to listen to old episodes)!

Categories
Fulfillment Faith

Being a mother is important

Okay, I know, it’s kind of a “duh.” I mean, without our mothers, where would any of us be? Not here, I’ll tell you that 😉 .

july-2008-rebecca-hospital-012smallbw
My mother on Rebecca’s birthday

But other than that whole biological necessity thing, mothers are important—and not just to make sure that everyone is fed, rested, at school on time, and not without clean underwear.

In a couple minutes, I found a number of scientific studies confirming just how influential mothers are:

It’s easy to look around at the mountain of laundry, the mound of dirty dishes, the teenager’s filthy room we told her to clean fifteen times, the full plate of food the toddler refused to eat, and the grade schooler’s last-minute order of three dozen cupcakes for a class party tomorrow and feel like we’re not important—as if we don’t matter. Yes, being a mother does involve a lot—a lot—of grunt work.

stepping_stonesBut every once in a while, at least, we need to remember that motherhood is more than chores.

Motherhood is eternally important.

Motherhood is important because being a mother means teaching and guiding future generations. We do make a difference—they do understand and internalize the principles we try so hard to teach them—and they will be better for our efforts.

Why do you think being a mother is important?

Categories
Fulfillment

How can I show a mother that I value what she does?

Thanksgiving was “early” this year (November 22 is the earliest that the US holiday can be celebrated, in fact!). So this week, we get an extra long transition from the season of gratitude to the season of greed giving. A couple months ago, we talked about how others can show you (mothers) appreciation for what you do as a mother.

I think there is a distinction, albeit a fine one, between showing a mother than you appreciate her and what she does for her family and showing her that you value what she does. Naturally, if you truly value what a mother does, you should at least try to show that appreciation.

But sincere appreciation comes from actually valuing her efforts. It’s the thought that counts, right? I mean for this discussion to center less on acts of thanks, and more about the thought behind them—showing an attitude that mothers matter.

So, how can you and I and everyone around us 1.) develop the attitude that mothers matter and 2.) show it?

For the first part: does the world need to be convinced that mothers matter? Yes and no. We all understand that mothers are important. But on the other hand, mothers today feel a lot of pressure not to focus on “just being a mom,” as if “just being a mom” were a lowly, demeaning chore that is beneath any woman of learning or status.

While we may not be able to change the world today, I think it’s important that mothers themselves (and especially SAHMs) be the first to adopt and display the attitude that motherhood is a noble and important (even vital!) calling.

So how can we show we feel that way? Aside from being a real mother to our children, I think that one place to start is to stop putting the word “just” in your job description. You’re not “just a mom.” One of my favorite books on motherhood talks about this, and its title proudly proclaims I Am a Mother.

How do you think other mothers and nonmothers develop and show an attitude that mothers matter?