Tag: patience

Categories
Kids/Parenting Fulfillment

It will never be enough (+ 20 gratefuls)

Apparently in my head, there’s this imaginary quota for the amount of work, frustration or time I can spend on any activity, especially ones related to motherhood. After that point, I feel like I’m entitled to give up. I’ve done enough, I’ve given enough, and it’s time for a break.

While it’s definitely wise to recognize our limits, sometimes we need to recognize what isn’t really a limit. My “enough-o-meter” is pretty sensitive—and Ryan walking through the door lowers the threshold even more. Just because I don’t have to put up with something or do something, does that mean it’s okay to shunt it off on someone else, or slough off entirely?

This is motherhood. It’s a calling, not an activity or a hobby or even a job. It’s part of who I am. And even then, it’s more than that—it’s having these three little people completely dependent on me. Having given them a lot already today is good, but that doesn’t mean they don’t need me now.

They’re children. They haven’t learned to regulate their wants yet, and I have to set boundaries for this all the time. But most of the time, my arbitrary limit is just that—arbitrary. Set totally by me, independent of important variables like how much patience and time and enthusiasm I could muster if I tried.

I don’t have to love every second of motherhood, and of course I won’t. And of course there will be times when I’m legitimately overwhelmed and can’t—and shouldn’t—push myself any further before I take some time to recharge. But when it comes to my children, how can I possibly say they’ve gotten “enough” of my time, attention and love—enough of me?

Photo by Bake it Pretty

The Gratefuls!

Wednesday:

  1. Ryan taking my frustrations
  2. Rachel’s first ride in a car (see right)
  3. A place to run off to
  4. A fairly good grocery shopping trip
  5. A good day at eating
  6. Cleaning up, even if it needs more work done!
  7. A baby who wakes up happy.
  8. Getting up early. (And it’s a rare day when I can say that—either that I’ve done it or that I’m grateful.)
  9. Finishing the smile chart: Hayden did earn the helmet and the bell. Still have to tally up Rebecca’s.
  10. A baby who eats well. Usually.

Thursday:

  1. Growing kids!
  2. Hand-me-downs from cousins.
  3. Finding new clothes I forgot the kids had.
  4. A night out with the ladies from church
  5. Chocolate chips. In moderation.

The rest to come tomorrow!

Categories
Fulfillment Faith

Being and becoming

Practice makes perfect, they say. I believe the best way to become something is to just do it. I want to become more patient, and really, the only way to become patient is to practice being patient.

Esse quam videri = to be rather than to seem

It might seem hard—heck, it might be hard!—and we might want to wait until wishing makes it so, but until we actually start doing, we won’t make progress toward becoming our goal.

This is summed up much better in a friend’s blog post last week:

“We become what we want to be by consistently being what we want to become each day.” (Elder Richard G. Scott, October 2010 General Conference)

I see it every time I step out of the shower and I think, “I want to become a better mother. So today I will be a better mother.” But my thought process doesn’t really go beyond that. . . .

But a few days ago, I believed I received a bit of inspiration as I took an extra moment to ponder how to become a better mother.

Two specific things came to mind. 1) Enforce consequences. 2) Play with my children.

via Trying a little harder to be a little better.

I think those are great examples—and both of those are things I could work on, which are hard for me.

I’d write some more about them, but I think I should probably go join my kids in play time.

What do you think? What do you want to become, and what do you need to do to become your goals?

Photo by Haeck Design

Categories
Fulfillment

No, not an easy button

Okay, I guess it would be nice to have a real version of Staples’ Easy Button (you know, you press it and you get instant answers and/or products to instantly solve your problems). What I really need is a RESET BUTTON.

  • For a day when I just can’t be patient
  • Alternately, for a day that I’ve wasted in a book or on the computer while the kids are parked in front of the television (or throwing every toy we own out of the toy box—while a bigger mess, this does seem a lesser sin)
  • On that note, for the family room, Mt. Laundry on the loveseat and, again, every toy we own piled up around the toy box
  • For the rest of the house, choked with clutter that is beginning to attack me. (Seriously. I think I broke my toe last week. Don’t even ask about the bruises.)
  • For my relationship with Hayden and Rebecca, when I hear them echoing back harsh words or tones I’ve used with them, especially to one another.
  • For my sleep and correlated patience levels! (Hm. Related to the previous?)

Personally, I’m prone to wait for a good time to reset—after I’ve gotten enough sleep (ha! with a seven-week-old, even one that sleeps pretty well?), tomorrow morning, Monday. But, really, there’s no time like the present to try again. Aside from the need to rock Rachel’s bouncy seat constantly, I can always turn off the TV and get down on the floor to play with the kids. It would only take a couple hours to clean up the major messes in here. But I get overwhelmed by all the things that need my time and attention, and cope by neglecting them all. (A good solution, eh?)

What do you do when you’re overwhelmed? How do you hit the reset button?

Photo by yum9me

Categories
Fulfillment

Patience in the journey

The major road that runs by my house is undergoing major construction. Has been for months, will be for at least another year (that’s the DOT estimate, so we should probably double it).

It is horrendous to drive. One week, all four lanes of traffic are stuffed into an area that will eventually house three lanes, the next week, they’re all on the other side of the road. There are more orange and white cones out there than I’ve seen Sego Lilies (the Utah State Flower) in my whole life. The cones courteously denote massive lane shifts, but as yet can’t help me when my traffic light is on the other side of the road—OHMYGOODNESSIT’SREDHITTHEBRAKES!!!!

However, I know that one day, probably many years from now, possibly after we move away from here, this road will be very nice. Although sometimes I lament that at the rate they’re going, by the time they finish it’ll be time to resurface it, I’m hoping that for at least a few months, we’ll be able to enjoy a wider, smoother and less congested road.

But until then, I’m going to be whining and complaining about the mess and the noise and the daily brushes with death.

And yesterday it hit me—this is pretty much the story of my life. I spend so much time obsessing over, worrying about and complaining about the stuff I don’t want to deal with today. Meanwhile, I keep looking (and hoping) for a smoother road ahead.

Will I ever know when I get there?

Categories
Fulfillment

Appreciating other mothers’ struggles

There are a number of mothers that I admire, my own mother not least among them. But today I’m writing about two of my good friends. They’re my neighbors and friends. They each have many more children than I do (which isn’t so hard, since I do only have the one so far!).

But the reason that I admire them so much isn’t because they somehow manage to run perfect households filled with perfect children and are always perfect mothers—though it often seems that way to me on the outside.

Fortunately, we’ve become good enough friends that I know that’s not the truth. I would be incredibly intimidated by them and their wonderful families if it weren’t for the fact that my friends are so brutally honest about their lives—and their struggles.

I appreciate my friends’ battles with patience and other problems. Not because it makes me feel superior to them—but because I understand their struggles so deeply. It’s reassuring to know that even mothers who really do have so much under control (at least in my opinion) aren’t perfect. It helps me to adjust my expectations for myself, too.

So thank you, my friends, for being honest about your real lives and sharing your struggles with me.

I know it can be pretty easy to share our struggles with people online who we’ll probably never meet in person, but that’s one of the reasons why I started this blog, to share my struggles. Please feel free to share your struggles with me anytime.

Stay tuned for next week’s Group Writing Project!

Categories
Fulfillment

What is patience?

As I’ve been working on patience a lot lately (okay, always), I’ve had occasion to think about it quite a bit as well. And I realized that I don’t always know what patience is.

I’ve been surprised to find that there was actually a lag between losing my temper and losing my patience. I think that having a lag there is a big improvement over going to straight to losing my patience!

Okay, I know that sounded a little esoteric, so here’s a more concrete explanation: I’ve realized that the more I work on patience, I have still gotten angry or frustrated (lost my temper)—but I hadn’t yet acted on that to “lose my patience.”

I’ve been disappointed with myself for losing my temper as I’m working on developing patience. But when I lose my temper, if I haven’t yet acted in anger, I don’t think I’ve lost my patience. If I recognize how I’m feeling, and stop and make an effort not to act in anger, I can calm down and keep my patience.

Does that sound like an artificial distinction? I thought it was, especially when I lost my temper and my patience happened in the same instant. But the more I think about it, and the more of a gap I can create between losing my temper and losing my patience, the more I believe that this is a sign of progress. As long as I keep choosing to calm myself down, anyway.

Of course, that’s the thing with patience—it’s something you get to work on forever, since it can be so easy to lose! And once I start getting better about being patient (you know, in ten or fifteen years) (only half joking), I can work on not getting angry, either.