self-expectations – MamaBlogga

Don’t overthink happiness!

Ryan got a subscription to Fitness magazine, thinking with a name like “Fitness” it would be for both genders. Of course, it’s really not. (I don’t know; are the pictures of half- and quarter-dressed women supposed to appeal to women? I know I don’t work out in underwear.)

I like to read it, though, especially after I saw this blurb on a study from Perspectives on Psychological Science in the October 2011 issue of Fitness (p 105; emphasis mine):

Women reported experiencing worse moods after reading an article touting the importance of joy and then immediately taking part in a fun activity. “Setting higher expectations for happiness can actually lead you to feel less happy,” says study coauthor Jane Gruber, Ph.D. . . . To avoid that buzzkill, pause to savor little feel-good moments. . . . “Enjoying the activities themselves, rather than because you think they are going to make you happy, is key,” Gruber says.

What do you think? What are your “little feel-good moments”? (You can see one of mine at right!)

Reaching a mother’s limit

The other day I came across this across a post on reasonable limits from The Thinking Mother, Christine. Usually, when we mothers talk about reasonable limits, we’re talking about the limits to our children’s behavior.

But that’s not what Christine means—she’s talking about reasonable limits for her expectations of herself. She felt like she was pushing herself so hard, expecting so much of herself, that she had a hard time enjoying her life (emphasis added):

Some people think I do too many things. I feel like I don’t do enough.

Some people think I have accomplished great things but even when I win something that I’ve worked to earn I don’t always “feel” like anything is to be celebrated. I’m on to the next thing.

One impact that having a too-busy life had with me was I suddenly realized I had no time to feel gratitude for the good things that I was experiencing. . . . I started making some changes to try to slow down to enjoy this life I’m living rather than just moving on to the next appointment and the next and the next.

I totally agree—and this is something I can work on, and maybe we all can. I think that we have to set reasonable expectations of ourselves—recognize what we really can do in a day, what we know about a situation, where we are, allow for our challenges. Sometimes we’re pushing ourselves to do eighty, when we should really only do thirty—and we’re utterly disappointed in ourselves when we “only” get sixty. We have to reevaluate our self-expectations regularly, too.

What are your unreasonable expectations of yourself? How have you adjusted your expectations to match your limits (physical, mental, emotional, etc.)?

Photo by Rebekah