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I’m a night owl. Totally and completely. I’d rather work at 11 PM—or 1 AM—than 1 PM. When it comes to wake up time, the kids don’t give me much of a choice by about 6:45 most days, so I’m burning my candle at both ends. Add to that the constant scream-fest of raising three bickering kids five and under, and I’m worn out by about 10 AM. (Until 10 PM, when I get a second wind. WHEEE!)
I usually take this as a sign that I’m a horrible mother/woman/person/being (it goes downhill from there), that I was 
never cut out for motherhood. But maybe it’s actually a sign I’m doing things right. In a book I read this weekend (When Times Are Tough by John Bytheway), I came across this quotation (from p 141, emphasis mine):
This is the true joy in life, the being used for a purpose recognized by yourself as a mighty one; the being thoroughly worn out before you are thrown on the scrap heap; the being a force of Nature instead of a feverish, selfish little clod of ailments and grievances complaining that the world will not devote itself to making you happy.
—George Bernard Shaw, in William I. Nichols, Words to Live By, 79
This section of the book was about the virtue of work. Whenever I think about that subject, I feel guilty. I didn’t like working at a 9 to 5 job, and I’m pretty lazy and often unmotivated to change. (I’d show you my kitchen floor to prove it, but you can just take my word for it.)
But then I remember: I’m a mother! My whole life is work! Physically demanding, emotionally draining work. And though I often feel like I won’t make it through the rest of the day when I’m exhausted and out of patience, maybe in some ways it’s a sign I’m doing something right: something I’ll have to do time and again, but which will add up to the sum of a life well lived.
What do you think?
Photo by The Pug Father
3 replies on “Working when I’m worn out”
Amen, sista! That Shaw quotation has been one of my favorites for years, and it’s how/why I push myself like I do. When I’m engaged and busy, I feel like I’m truly LIVING. There have been times in my life where I’ve been less active or involved, and those also seemed to be when I was less happy.
Of course, being a mother takes this to a whole new level. If I’m depleted, I can get away with it because there aren’t others emotionally depending on me. Not sure how the balancing act would work in your shoes. 🙂 But I do know that our capacity really can expand, too. My newly-graduated cousin has said a few times that she can’t understand how I have energy for all I do beyond my 9-to-5. I’ve told her it didn’t come all at once – I’ve added slowly and surely over the last seven years. There’s no way I could’ve handled this schedule in my first few career years! I’m sure the same applies as you add each child, complete with their unique needs, talents, and schedules. Hang in there and keep up the good work!
Great point about our capacity expanding, Christa! I know the things that seemed hard before I had two or three kids (everything, but especially leaving the house).
And reading your comment, I suddenly remember that I do like feeling like I’m doing a lot, and balancing or juggling several things at once—and that balance is very close to overwhelming with any new upset.
Thank you, Christa! You too!
This post has offered me a bit of inspiration. Oddly enough it reminds me of the saying, if you want to get it done, ask a busy person! I’m exhausted most days, falling asleep at a moment’s notice if I’m not careful all because I’m thorougly worn out and just crazy busy with the demands of 4 children. I guess I’d rather be that way than a bump on a log (as my Grandpa would say). I’d rather be run off my feet doing interesting and challenging things than doing nothing at all. I do wish I could get more sleep while doing it!!